Editor: Joker

  “So? What do you have to say for yourself?”


  I sat on the throne with one of my arms propped against the side of my face. The tall armrests made the position feel natural so long as I leant forward. Perched atop my lap was a relaxed looking Shii. The translucent blue creature wasn’t doing anything in particular. It was just sitting around and enjoying my company.

  “I-I am innocent, I swear I had no other choice! M-My circumstances were dire, and I did only what was absolutely necessary!”


  The Supreme Dragon, Leficios, was positioned before me as would a pleading subject. She was sitting on her ankles and knees with her back straight as a rod. The air was tense, the mood reflected in the dragon’s indignant, panic-stained voice—one that could only ever be exhibited in a party attempting to deny their guilt.

  “And what, exactly, are these dire circumstances of which you speak?” I felt the urge to roll my eyes, but I played along and encouraged the dragon to defend herself.

  Unsurprisingly, my query was only met with silence. Lefi didn’t even breathe, let alone speak to justify herself. The only action she took was to stubbornly refuse to meet my gaze.

  “I swear…”


  The dragon girl twitched as I breathed a heavy sigh, much in the same manner as would a child anticipating punishment. All semblance of the dignity that she’d borne when I’d first laid eyes on her had vanished. It was gone with the wind, nowhere to be seen.

  “Say something already goddammit.” Again, I sighed. “Look, I’ll be fair. I’ll let you off if there really were extenuating circumstances.” Not that I believed her, of course, but I didn’t tell her that. I wanted to encourage her to speak, and informing her of my suspicions clearly wasn’t going to help.

  “Well…” Lefi began to speak, only to once again shut her mouth and avert her gaze.

  “Go on.”


  “I-I was unable to stop myself! It was all far too delectable!” What came out after a moment of silence could only be described as an indignant scream.

  Yeah, I figured that was probably what happened.

  “Look…” I heaved yet another sigh. “You really need to learn to be a bit more patient. And I really shouldn’t be lecturing you about this. Haven’t you already lived over a thousand years? What’s waiting just one day compared to all that?”


  “I really could not help myself!”


  “Couldn’t help myself, my ass! God damn, good for nothing, spoilt excuse of a dragon!”


  “What!? How dare you! I will have you know that I am not ‘good for nothing’ by any means!”


  “Bulllllsh*t! You don’t even have the slightest shred of patience! How the hell can you not!? Look at how old you are god dammit! Actually, you know what, you’re right! You’re not a good for nothing, you’re even worse than a good for nothing! Supreme Dragon? Ha! More like Supreme Sponger!”


  “Now you are just saying whatever comes to mind!” Again, Lefi shouted in indignance. “And you have only justified my Supreme Dragon title even further! It is none other than I that stands at the apex of predation! It is therefore only natural that I live however I please!”


  Oh great, now she’s gotten all defiant on me.

  “Give it up. There is no changing my nature, for I am the Supreme Dragon, a living calamity of which legends are sung! Engrave it into your heart, for this is the natural order of the world, the way it was all meant to be!”


  “Keep that up, and I’ll never feed you ever again.”


  “I apologize for my misdemeanors. Please forgive me.”


  The dragon paled. Her attitude took a second 180 degree shift as she bowed as deeply as she could while apologizing as profusely as she could.

  So how, exactly, did we arrive at such a situation? Long story short, it all started the morning of the day the incident took place.

  ***

  “Alrighty. I’m going to be heading out for a bit, so take care of the dungeon for me while I’m out, ‘kay?” I spoke to both Lefi and Shii as I got ready to leave.

  “Fine…”


  “I’ve left a bunch of food sitting around. You can have some if you get hungry, but try not to eat too much.”


  “Very well…”


  Shii leapt up and down a few times, as if to acknowledge and accept the request. Lefi, however, did nothing but voice one disinterested reply after another as she played with a simple electronic toy. Though I’d gotten it for myself, the Tam*gotchi [1] was a bit too dated for my tastes. I was too spoiled by modern video games to truly enjoy it. Unlike me, Lefi had gotten totally hooked, in part because she’d never seen anything like it in all her years.

  The T*magotchi was the cheapest gaming device in the dungeon’s catalogue. Its price point was in fact the only reason I’d purchased it, as I really wasn’t all that interested in it. I didn’t actually understand why it was so much cheaper than basically every other electronic, but if I had to guess, I would say it was likely because it was of a smaller size. Unfortunately, the catalogue wasn’t exactly consistent. Its prices were all over the place. And although I’d called it cheap, the Tamag*tchi was still a full order of magnitude more expensive than almost every other non-electronic.

  According to Lefi, the world I now lived in wasn’t nearly as technologically advanced as the one I’d come from, hence why she found the digital device so novel and charming. Honestly, I was relieved to hear that technology had yet to develop as far as it had in my old world. If anything, I would’ve been seriously disappointed if it was.

  Lefi had been hella surprised when I first showed her the Tamagotch*. She was so shocked that her eyes ended up almost bulging out of their sockets as she questioned the extent of a demon lord’s abilities. Thinking back, I probably should’ve told her that I was likely the only demon lord capable of such a feat.

  Speaking of Lefi, she’d totally made friends with Shii. They got along really well even though the two were different species and on complete opposite ends of the power scale. Thinking about it, it did make sense. Though not a human, Lefi was a girl, and like most other girls, she had the tendency to like cute things. And as Shii was the cutest pet there was, it only made sense for the dragon to find herself enamoured by the slime and its adorable antics. She liked it so much, in fact, that I’d even caught her telling it that she would make it the most powerful member of its species that ever existed.

  Shii, on the other hand, had actually started off scared of Lefi. The poor slime had began cowering and shivering in fear the moment it first laid eyes, for lack of a better term, on the dragon. Only after seeing me interact with her did Shii realize that Lefi wasn’t a threat, and so, it soon began playing with her and snuggling up to her.

  Like Shii, I also more or less thought of Lefi as non-threatening. It was no longer possible for me to see the fourteen-odd year old girl lying around in the hallway as a thousand year old dragon, and her obsession with the Tam*gotchi really wasn’t helping. As far as my impressions were concerned, Lefi was as young as she looked. And that was all there was to it.

  I shrugged and forced a bit of a smile as I turned around and headed out the throne room.

  So why, you ask, would I bother heading outside? The answer to that question was surprisingly simple. It was because I needed to secure additional funding. Or rather, additional DP. Most demon lords got all their DP from intruders. They would slay the intruders that entered their dungeon and recycle their corpses for points.

  I, however, basically never got any. The only intruder I’d ever had was the one stupid three headed dog that’d attacked not too long after I first summoned Shii. Of course, the lack of invaders wasn’t without reason. My dungeon lay in Lefi’s, the Supreme Dragon’s, territory. None of the local wildlife dared approach it, let alone intrude. That exact piece of logic applied even more strongly to monsters than it did to regular creatures, as monsters were highly sensitive to creatures that were far stronger than them. They knew that Lefi was here, so they stayed the hell away from the area. Likewise, the races also refused to come anywhere near. Lefi’s territory was considered a dangerous, uncharted region that none dared to invade.

  I was pretty bothered. How was I supposed to accrue DP if nothing would even so much as come near the dungeon? That was when it hit me. I realized that I didn’t have to wait for intruders to come to me if I, or more specifically the dungeon, went to them. In other words, all I had to do was make the dungeon large enough to encompass them. Fortunately, looking around was enough to fill up the dungeon’s map, and the Supreme Dragon’s presence had generated plenty of DP, so I had everything I needed to put the plan into action.

  Normally, DP was used to strengthen the dungeon. Demon lords would invest heavily in adding floors, arming traps, and bolstering their forces. I, however, had the ultimate guardian keeping my dungeon core safe. The sorry excuse for a dragon rolling around atop the carpet was more efficient and effective than S*COM [2] could ever be. Hiring additional guards was honestly just a waste of DP, seeing as how I already more or less felt sorry for any potential intruders.

  That said, I wasn’t planning on totally neglecting the dungeon. I wasn’t comfortable with the fact that the throne room was connected straight to the exterior. I wanted to add a floor or two somewhere in the middle. That said, I wasn’t going to do it immediately. I was planning on focusing on my economy first and foremost.

  One of the dungeon’s most interesting aspects was that its floors were highly customizable. I could tweak as many settings as I wanted. I could make floors as small or large as I wanted and I could even make the night sky show up in the day and vice versa. [3]

  The moment I realized its potential was the moment I decided that I was going to make a floor with a huge ass castle in it once I saved up enough DP. Specifically, I wanted to craft the type of overbearing, ominous castle typical of the final boss of a JRPG.

  The first thing that came to mind was a certain castle straight out of a certain obscenely difficult game by the name of Dark Whatchamacallit: An*r Londo. [4] I didn’t actually need a castle that ridiculously massive, but I still kind of wanted one nonetheless.

  Just imagining it sent shivers down my spine. The first thing any potential invader would see after braving the cave would be a massive, looming black structure standing in the middle of a land shrouded in eternal nightfall.

  The moon, which should’ve been hidden from view given the indoor nature of the environment, would illuminate the centerpiece and provide it a dark, dreadful shadow.

  The scene I pictured was eerie, but also solemn and majestic.

  It was perfect.

  Even just imagining it lit my soul aflame with passion. I just had to have it. As a true man amongst men, I couldn’t resist the castle’s fantastical allure.

  Er, right. I should probably get back to work.

  I shrugged off my delusions and refocused on the task at hand. I’d planned to spend the day just observing things, so I activated my Stealth and Detect Enemy skills while also popping open the map as I started sneaking around.

  Speaking of skills, there were two ways to obtain them. The first was to perform an action that aligned with the skill. For example, punching and kicking would provide the martial arts skill. Although effective, the first method was rather tedious and limited to only that of which one was already, to a certain extent, capable of. The second way, using a skill scroll, was much more convenient. It was possible to obtain a skill by mentally duplicating the glyphs carved inside of a skill scroll while also channeling one’s magic through it. It was a super user friendly tool that basically anyone could use. The only downside was that you couldn’t ever use the same skill scroll twice, but that didn’t really take away from its utility. It was still an easy way for one to learn a new skill.

  I’d only learned about skill scrolls because I happened to see them while browsing the dungeon’s catalogue. Needless to say, I instantly bought the ones I felt would be most useful right away. While it might’ve been possible for me to learn Stealth on my own, I highly doubted that I would be able to do so efficiently and effectively, hence the purchase. Detect Enemy, on the other hand, was something I highly doubted I would ever be able to pick up on by myself.

  My stat page had changed. It now looked as follows.

  ***

  General Information

  Name: Yuki

  Species: Archdemon

  Class: Demon Lord

  Level: 16

  HP: 2350/2350

  MP: 6960/6960

  Strength: 681

  Stamina: 710

  Agility: 586

  Magic: 960

  Dexterity: 1290

  Luck: 70

  Skill Points: 0

  Unique Skills

  Magic Eye

  Translation

  Skills

  Item Box

  Analyze VI

  Martial Arts III

  Primordial Magic II

  Stealth III

  Detect Enemy III

  Titles

  Demon Lord from Another World

  DP: 10220

  ***

  My level had risen, but not because I’d slain another monster. All the experience I’d accrued had come from working out. Getting lots of exercise was also why my martial arts skill had leveled up. The analyze skill, on the other hand, had only leveled because I’d pumped all my skill points in it. It was an extremely useful skill, after all.

  Though I’d just gotten them recently, neither Stealth nor Detect Enemy were at level one. I’d used them whenever I had spare time, so they’d progressed quite a fair bit.

  Stealth had absolutely no effect on Lefi. She could still see me regardless of how hard I tried to hide. The same, however, couldn’t be said for our little slime friend. Shii would occasionally lose track of me when I popped the skill. It would promptly start looking around and trying to find me, only to start happily bouncing around once it finally did. The way it reacted to our impromptu games of hide and seek was super cute.

  Both skills ate away at my mana while they were active. I couldn’t keep them running forever, but I could at least maintain them for a few hours back to back. According to Lefi, that, in and of itself, was totally absurd. There was simply no way any normal demon could do the same, meaning that my ridiculous mana pool instead stemmed from the fact that I was a demon lord.

  “Uh… Okay, I should probably not go over there.”


  I broke out of my thoughts and stopped moving as I caught a glimpse of a monster that looked kind of like a mix between a tiger and a rhino. As it was in the midst of consuming freshly killed prey, the creature was distracted, but it was sure to attack me if I got any closer. It wasn’t that I couldn’t handle the creature, but rather, that I found it too bothersome, so I decided to back off and choose another route.

  As evidenced by the fact that there was a monster, I’d strayed quite far from the dungeon. I’d gone so far, in fact, that there were actually both animals and monsters wandering about.

  I was finally outside Lefi’s domain.

  This looks like a pretty good spot. Alright, let’s add it to the dungeon!

  I manipulated the menu and tapped the map a few times before I finally felt the dungeon’s magic flood my surroundings.

  “Okay, that’s that.” I nodded, satisfied. The expansion had eaten away all my DP, but it was well worth it given that it was sure to bolster my daily income.

  Well, I’m already here, so I guess I might as well explore a bit more and flesh out the map so I don’t need to venture as far next time.

  ***

  I returned home quite a while after the sun had set. My stomach was completely empty, so I entered the kitchen, which I’d just bought for a flat 2000 DP just the previous day, and opened the fridge—only to find that it was empty. It was completely devoid of all semblance of sustenance even though I’d just stocked it with a whole week’s worth of food last night.

  It was cheaper to buy an assorted platter of meat than it was to purchase a specific cut, so I’d gone ahead and done that because there weren’t supposed to be any disadvantages.

  Turned out, I was wrong.

  The food couldn’t have just disappeared on its own, so I immediately raised my voice and shouted to get the attention of the only possible culprit.

  “LEFIIIIIIIII!!”


  And that was how it had all begun.

  ***

  God damn glutton. I silently complained as I stared at the now prostrated dragon girl.

  There had been far more food in the fridge than it should’ve been possible for her to eat. Or at least that would’ve been the case had she not been a dragon. Her true form was much larger than her human form, so she likely had the ability to consume many times her current weight with ease.

  Man, I mean, I know she eats a lot, but god damn. I’ve never even tried serving her anything close to this much before. Wait, does that mean she’s never actually had a chance to eat her fill? Was she always holding back for my sake? Wait, wait, nonononono. Get ahold of yourself Yuki, don’t let her fool you. It doesn’t really matter what she normally does. This whole binge eating incident’s way too out of hand.

  I couldn’t exactly let her off for emptying out the entire fridge the very day I’d warned her about it just because I felt apologetic. It was true that she was the source of all my DP. Without her, it wouldn’t have been possible for me to supply all that food in the first place, but that didn’t mean she was entitled to it. The deal was that she would be allowed to stay in exchange for a bed and three daily meals. It was a fair trade, even if she didn’t get to eat ‘till she was stuffed.

  “Well…” I grumbled. “I guess I just won’t have dinner tonight then.”


  There wasn’t really any other choice. It was too late for me to go foraging, I was flat broke because I’d just spent all my DP on expanding the dungeon. Man, I really should’ve stored a bit of food in my item box. Leaving it all in the fridge was a terrible idea. Never would’ve done it if I knew this was going to happen. On the bright side, I should have enough DP to eat once I wake up.

  “W-Wait, I understand, so you need not react with such despondence.” Lefi stuttered as she responded to my idle remark. Her voice was filled with guilt. “You require the bizarre currency that you call ‘poynts,’ correct?” [5]

  “Pretty much.”


  “W-Worry not, I shall return in a mere thirty minutes!”


  “…Wait, what?”


  My response fell on deaf ears; Lefi had already charged out of the throne room before I’d raised my voice.

  ***

  As promised, Lefi returned after exactly thirty minutes. Next to her was a ridiculously tall pile of corpses belonging to monsters and animals alike.

  “This is way too god damn many, you idiot!”


  “Whargh!?” The dragon girl made a weird sound as I smacked her upside the head. “Nrgh… That is the first time that anyone has done that to me in the span of the past several hundred years.”


  She flashed me a reproachful glare.

  “Colour me honoured then, I guess.” I shrugged.

  “I care not about your honour. Answer me this, why did you hit me? Is it not better for you to have more ‘poynts’? I made sure to herd the creatures to the dungeon before butchering them to maximize your gain!”


  Did she just say herd? I’m pretty sure you don’t just treat monsters like you do cattle or sheep.

  “Well, yeah, but there’s a limit to everything, and you just broke the hell out of it. Look, you stupid dragon, look at all that blood! There’s literally a fucking pool of it, I could go swimming in that! I’m pretty sure that’s going to leave a huge, permanent, red stain. Plus, I don’t even know what to do with all these god damn corpses!” And then it hit me. “Oh, wait, actually, I do. I can just convert them all to DP.”


  That’s exactly what I did to that one stupid dog, after all.

  “Does that not mean that I did nothing wrong!?” shouted the dragon, indignantly.

  “Yeah, pretty much.”


  “Then why did you hit me!?”


  “Well, to be honest, because I was kinda going with the flow. I kinda had this whole angry boss vibe going, y’see.”


  “What kind of ridiculous excuse is that!? Were you not just criticizing my lack of responsibility? The claim holds little weight if you do not hold yourself to it!”


  Lefi glared at me in a mix of anger and shock.

  “Yeah, yeah, my bad. Here, I’ll give your head a pat to make it all better.” I started stroking her hair as I recited a common phrase from my childhood. “Pain, pain, go away.”


  “Yay! I’m so…… Unhappy.” Lefi rolled her eyes as she smacked my hand away. “I refuse to play along with your idiocy.”


  Yeah, I figured.

  With all that said and done, I manipulated the dungeon’s menu and turned the stack of corpses into a stack of DP. The whole artificially constructed mountain began to sink into the floor as it slowly melted away. Even the bloodstains disappeared, leaving naught but the bare rock and dirt.

  “What a peculiar sight that was.”


  “I know, right?’ I raised a hand to my chin. “Anyway, that’s more than enough for dinner, so I guess we can call it even. But, look. I know that your real body is kinda big, and that you might not really be able to eat ‘til you’re satisfied, but could you please like, you know, try your best to hold back a bit? There’s a limit to how much food I can make, and I can tell you right now that it’s not going to be enough for me to fully satisfy you.”


  “Grrrh.” Lefi groaned. “Fine. But if I do desire food, then I merely need to supply you with ‘poynts,’ correct?”


  “Yeah, but uh, let’s be real here. You probably shouldn’t overhunt either.”


  Please no eradicating all nearby life. I literally just expanded the dungeon so I could farm it for DP…


  “V-Very well. I will endeavour not to repeat the incident.”


  “Please and thanks. Anyway, I’mma go eat. You want some sweets or something while I’m at it?”


  “That I do! I would like a portion of cookies!”


  And so, Lefi and I returned to the dungeon, conversing along the way.

  ***

  Notes:

  [1] Tamagotchi. These are digital pets that, iirc, doubled as pedometers. And I don’t mean meters that measure how much of a lolicon you are. We’re talkin’ how much you walk ‘n sh*t.

  [2] SECOM. This is a Japanese security company that’s grown large enough to start spilling overseas.

  [3] This is one of those obscure references that’s really hard to get unless you’re a certain type of person, but the MC is basically describing a level editor.

  [4] Anor Londo from Dark Souls.

  [5] Lefi is saying poynts rather than points because she doesn’t know what they are. In Japanese, she was using Hiragana instead of Katakana.