Editor: Joker

  “Oh yeah, Lefi.” I began to speak to the dragon girl as I watched Illuna and Shii ride Rir around the throne room.

  “Yes? What is it?”


  “Can you see this?” I pointed at the screen I had pulled up in front of me.

  “If you are referring to your status, then the answer is no. I cannot.”


  “Nah, I’m talking about the dungeon’s menu. You see, it’s this thing that…” I gave her a quick overview of the dungeon’s features.

  “I see. So it is the dungeon that provides you the ability to synthesize the mysterious objects you so often spawn.”


  “Yeah, pretty much.” I nodded as I leaned back into the throne. “So you see, thing is, Iunno why, but Illuna can see it too.”


  “And I presume that you wish for me to explain why that is the case?”


  “Pretty much, yeah.”


  “While I lack a grasp of the precise reason, I can describe a difference between the girl and I, a difference that may bear a relation to the knowledge you seek.”


  “Sure, explain away.”


  “The difference is that she has engaged you in matrimony, whereas I have not.”


  “Uhh… What?” My voice distorted out of sheer confusion.

  I immediately turned to face the dragon girl so I could check over her expression, but her face didn’t betray even the slightest hint of amusement. She was dead serious. Bro. What? You’ve gotta be kidding me.

  “Blood is one of the body’s most crucial elements.” She took the baffled look on my face as a prompt to continue speaking. “Taking the blood of another into one’s own body—engaging in an exchange of bodily fluids—is none other than an act of intercourse.”


  “You serious…?”


  “Indeed. Most that belong to the vampire race consider the sucking of blood to be equivalent to union between partners, tying the knot, as they say. Of course, there exist members of their species with a lesser degree of integrity. These individuals will take blood from those with which they are not particularly intimate with, but they are far outside the norm. Many judge them as men and women without integrity, individuals that have lost their moral compass. Most members of the species only suck blood from those that they hold strong affection for.”


  Bro. What? Like. What? I don’t even. Is this real life? Or is it just fantasy? [E1]

  “B-But isn’t blood just supposed to be food? L-Like, vampires need that sh*t, right? And it’s not like they could all be married at all points in time. What the hell do single vampires eat?”


  “You are correct. Vampires do indeed require blood for sustenance. That, however, is all they require. They require not the blood of any particular species. Even the blood of an animal will suffice, and that is precisely what unwed vampires consume.” Lefi paused for a moment. “I suspect that the girl was not yet taught the precise significance of sucking the blood of another. That, however, is not to say that her instincts have not provided her a rough idea of the act’s nature. Rejoice. She is young, but the affection she holds for you is true. Her desire for your bodily fluids stems from the depths of her heart.”


  Uhh… I was so blown away by what I’d just learned that it took me a moment to process everything. “Wait… If you knew all this, then why didn’t you tell me earlier!? Why’d you just sit around and let it happen!?”


  “It was for your sake. I know that you bear a lust for children and that you have always longed to join one as young as her in matrimony.”


  “What the fuck!?”


  “I very vividly recall feeling your gaze resting upon my flesh when I first took this form. Your desires were and still remain self-evident and clear as day.”


  “T-That’s just a misunderstanding! I was not staring!” I screamed indignantly. Where the hell did all this come from!? It’s not true, I swear, officer!

  Wait a second! I quickly pulled up the dungeon’s menu as I came to a sudden realization. Specifically, I opened up a detailed display that contained information regarding everything in the dungeon and reported the amount of DP it generated a day. I scrolled right past Lefi and the ridiculous amount of income she provided and checked up on our resident vampire. I knew it! She’s no longer generating any DP.

  Even the children of lesser monsters like goblins provided me a net daily income of 3 dungeon points. But Illuna, like Shii, was giving a flat zero. In other words, the dungeon thought of her as not an intruder, but a friendly unit that posed no more of a threat to it than its very own monsters.

  “Ugh… What the hell…?” I groaned. “Why did that have to be the one time you actually tried not to be selfish? I swear to god…”


  “Whatever is that supposed to mean!?” Lefi cried resentfully. “I would not have remained silent if I knew not that it was for your sake. I made a choice in your best interests, yet you have done little but complain!”


  “And I’m telling you that you should’ve just minded your own goddamn business! In fact, you know what? No more sweets for you, not for a whole three days!”


  “What absolute tyranny! I firmly protest the motion! You cannot do this to me without good reason!”


  I ignored Lefi, who’d started to noisily complain, heaved a heavy sigh, and began to think. Illuna had yet to ask me for any more blood. In fact, she apparently didn’t need any for a whole week. Normal food was enough to satisfy her in the meantime. Alright. You know what? Let’s just do the thing. Yeah. I’mma just put this off and call it future Yuki’s problem. I mean, I’m happy she likes me so much, but she’s just a kid. This whole thing is probably puppy love at best. There’s no doubt I’m going to have to end up raising her. She’ll probably never shut up about how much she hates me and how gross I am the moment she hits puberty. Wait. Imagining that is just making me sad. God damn it. Why am I doing this to myself?

  I coughed and faked clearing my throat before continuing my mental monologue, albeit in a bit less confident a tone. I-I mean, there’s no way to know how she’ll feel for sure without waiting for her to grow up, so I’mma just put this whole fiasco off until she does by feigning ignorance. I mean, why would anyone expect me of all people to know anything about vampire culture. Mhmm. Yup.

  Again, I heaved a sigh. I might put some more real thought into all this if she still likes me when she’s older. But not now.

  ***

  I decided to check out my new toy, or rather, my new weapon, after I finished brooding on the whole Illuna situation. Magically enhanced weapon in hand, I headed out of the throne room and ventured through the cave that enclosed it.

  I was once again greeted by the magnificent forest, a sight that left my heart pounding every single time I saw it. Today, however, was a bit different. My heart had already started throbbing by the time I left the cave. I was so excited to finally fire the magical handgun that the scenery felt bland in comparison. I died before ever getting to touch one of these babies back in my old world, so I’d always assumed that I’d never have the chance to wield one. Wait, does this even count as a real gun? I’m not really sure how it holds up in terms of technicalities, but I guess it probably counts since it’s got gun in its name.

  I poured my mana, which I’d only recently gotten better at controlling, into the weapon. I made sure to go slow and kept an eye on my status screen as I did. I wasn’t too used to the feel yet, so I had to use the UI to figure out exactly how much mana I was using.

  After draining exactly ten mana, I stopped channeling and pointed the gun at a sturdy looking rock situated in front of me. I reproduced the stance I often saw people take in movies and pulled the trigger.

  The gun bounced backwards with the slightest bit of recoil as its firing mechanism activated. Its projectile, a small glob of mana, cut through the air. A low ring resounded a moment later as the projectile smashed itself against the rock.

  I ran up to the large stone and traced my finger across the evident bullet mark. The projectile had been powerful enough to chip a piece off the large stone. Wait, this stuff gets stronger if I put more mana into it, right?

  I began to concentrate even more magical energy into my gun. Heh. Time for some science.

  ***

  I ended up running five different experiments. First, I put another ten mana into the gun and confirmed that it was consistent and produced a similar result. I then tried four other denominations, specifically one hundred, five hundred, a thousand, and five thousand.

  The bullet that ate a hundred mana was powerful enough to not only chip the rock, but create a small hole. The bullet with five times that amount, however, was able to drill through to the other side. The bullet containing a thousand mana produced a much larger projectile than all the other bullets. It managed to eat into the rock and blow a good chunk of it away. The final projectile, in which I invested five thousand MP, produced a massive laser that not only completely incinerated the rock, but also flattened thirty odd meters of the terrain that lay behind it.

  All in all, the gun was powerful enough to render me silent. It was an even better weapon than I’d initially anticipated. I ended up kinda unhappy because I kept getting sh*t rolls, but honestly, I don’t even mind anymore. Like, seriously. Worth.

  A part of me is tempted to charge all my mana into a single bullet, but uh, I’m pretty sure that’s just a recipe for disaster. I don’t even think the weapon’s designed to take that much mana. The barrel was shaking mad hard with just 5k. Not that I’ll ever need all 5k. In fact, I highly doubt I’ll ever even need a thousand. God damn.

  My magical handgun could hold seven bullets at once, and each could contain a different amount of mana. I could totally fire something with just 10 mana to lure someone into thinking the weapon’s a total dud, then hit them with a 1k bullet and pull the rug from under their feet. That said, I’m pretty sure that I’d probably be able to achieve the exact same result if I brute forced it with like 3k mana right off the bat.

  Another interesting aspect of the gun was that any mana stored inside the gun would stay inside the gun. Gazing at it with my magic eye allowed me to confirm that it didn’t leak energy, and that I could theoretically keep it loaded as long as I wanted. But uh, that’s probably a bad idea. I’m honestly kinda scared I might unintentionally discharge the damn thing and blow a hole in my leg. Or worse. So uhhh, yeah no. I’mma keep it empty ‘til I need it.

  I placed the gun in my item box as I shuddered at the thought of accidentally shooting myself. A large creature slowly lumbered out of the dungeon and approached me right as I finished.

  “Oh, hey. Looks like Illuna finally let you go. You did good work. Must’ve been exhausting.”


  The dungeon’s second monster, the Fenrir, which, by the way, happened to be male, plopped himself down beside me. A single glance was enough to tell that it was tired. Yeah, I would be too. Bro just had to play with both Illuna and Shii with Lefi throwing a tantrum as background noise.

  Unsurprisingly, hearing that she was banned from consuming sweets had caused the dragon girl to fall into the depths of despair. She’d been reduced to a ball of noise that did naught but whine and complain.

  The white wolf whimpered and bowed its head after taking a seat. But, rather than complaining, it felt more like it was saying something along the lines of “all in a day’s work, sir.”


  That interaction alone was enough to give me a grasp of the wolf’s personality. I understood that it was the type of guy that was prepared for anything and everything that life would throw at him. Damn. This dude’s got balls.

  Of course, the wolf didn’t literally speak to me. I just somehow managed to grasp its intent, the same way I could somehow kind of understand Shii. It seemed that that was just how things worked. It was evident that the dungeon had some sort of mechanism that allowed us to establish a sort of mutual understanding. Unfortunately, it was imperfect. I could only roughly understand him, but it was good enough. The same system seemed to apply between monsters. I’d happened to see Shii communicating with him in a similar manner just a bit earlier.

  Of course, we didn’t leave our newfound canine companion unnamed. Illuna had christened the wolf Fluffrir. Apparently, she’d chosen it because he was fluffy and a fenrir. His status page naturally reflected this new name of his. The blank had been replaced and updated. A part of me felt kind of bad for Fluffrir. Illuna had only given him such a weird name because I’d told her his species. Yeah uh… Fluffrir doesn’t really sound right. I guess I’ll just cut it short and call him Rir.

  “Oh yeah. You mind showing me your unique skills?”


  Rir had a total of seven skills, three of which were unique. I more or less knew exactly what his regular did, but I was just dying to see his uniques.

  The wolf complied. He got up and started to activate his abilities one by one. They were all fairly interesting. Extreme Speed allowed him to momentarily raise his speed to the point where I could no longer see him. Everchanging Chains allowed him to materialize and freely manipulate a series of chains. The chains could both become thicker and more durable if he chose to invest more mana. Finally, Transformation allowed him to alter his size. He could get both bigger and smaller, with his smallest form being the size of a regular wolf. Oh nice. I guess I won’t have to worry about him actually fitting in places.

  “Sh*t. That’s awesome dude.” I was impressed. The most eye catching skill was the one that involved chains. It had a ridiculous amount of utility. It was possible for the wolf to shield himself, create footholds in midair, and even tie up his foes. It was the type of skill whose power was only really limited by creativity. I want that. Too bad it’s unique. It’d probably cost a metric ton of DP to get, assuming it’s even in the shop.

  Hearing my praise caused the wolf to happily perk up. I couldn’t really tell from his expression, but his tail was very clearly wagging back and forth.

  “…”


  Seeing him like that led me to develop an urge, one I immediately followed up on by opening the dungeon’s menu. I instantly bought a familiar looking item, raised it, and called out to Rir.

  “Hey Rir! You see this? Fetch!”


  I threw the disk shaped toy, the frisbee, and urged the wolf to chase it down. Rir seemed a bit hesitant about the whole idea at first, but he eventually lost to his instincts. He dashed after it, caught it in midair, and brought it right back.

  “Good boy! Alright, round two!”


  I grabbed the frisbee again, mustered up all the might invested in me as demon lord, and chucked it as hard as I could. Rir once again chased it down and returned. But this time, he was too excited to come to a stop.

  “Wahaha! Wait! Hold up! Slow down! Blraaghgh!”


  He playfully tackled me to the ground.

  “You’ve done it now!” I smirked as I reached up towards the oversized dog and started to play with it.

  ***

  “Whew. God damn. Dem Fenrir things doe……” I lay on the floor, panting heavily as I said something that not even I really understood. My mind was too frazzled to actually process coherent thoughts.

  You know. I’ve always been more of a cat person, but playing with Rir’s made me think that dogs are cute too. Not that he’s actually a dog, but you know, whatever.

  Speaking of, the young wolf was laying down right next to me. He was on all fours, with his stomach on the ground and his head hung low. He seemed to be distressed by the fact that he’d given in to his instincts. A clear aura of self loathing emanated from his body. Hmm… I guess letting his instincts control him must’ve hurt his pride a bit. As far as I’m concerned though, it’s a good thing. Who cares, so long as you have fun, right?

  More importantly though, this whole experience had really reaffirmed that Illuna’s one hell of a girl. Like holy crap. The amount of luck you’d need to actually roll this damn thing. Fenrirs were powerful beasts. The fastest way to find them in the dungeon’s catalogue was to sort by price and start scrolling down from the top of the list.

  And not to mention that Rir’s even got powerful unique skills. I mean, he’s not too strong right now, but one day, he might end up growing as powerful as the fenrir Lefi fought. Dude’s got hella potential.

  “Oh yeah, Rir, you know how the dungeon’s mana systems work, right?”


  The wolf raised his head and nodded.

  “Alright then, listen up. Everything above where we are right now is Lefi’s domain. But most of the stuff under it is the dungeon’s territory. My territory. I’d like you to live down there and hunt monsters and stuff.”


  Unlike Shii, Rir wasn’t just a pet. He was a monster strong enough to defend himself. Some of his stats were even higher than mine, so I couldn’t just let him laze around. I decided to have him work and help me earn DP. Heh. I’ll work you hard, boy. Git stronk so I can just sit back, relax, and just enjoy life.

  “But uh, hunting stuff aside, you can pretty much just do whatever you want. I’ll come visit you from time to time so we can play, hang out, and kill stuff together. Oh, and don’t forget to stop by every once in a while, ‘kay? Illuna’ll probably cry if you don’t.”


  You’re one of us, Rir. I know we just summoned you, but this right here? This is your home. You’ll always be welcome here.

  Understanding my intent, the wolf lowered its head in a deep bow.

  ***

  [E1] I’d say Beelzebub has a devil set aside for you in hell, lolicon. >_> (Bohemian Rhapsody lyrics in case no one knows)