Editor(s): Speedphoenix, Joker

  “Aaaand we’re back.”


  “That we are.”


  Lefi and I announced our presence as we stepped through the door inside the cave and entered the true throne room.

  “Welcome home, Darlin’!”


  “Welcome home, Darling!”


  I was immediately greeted by both Lyuu and Nell. The pair had voiced their lines in the sweetest, sultriest tones they could manage and even blown a kiss for added effect. Both girls had taken up the exact same pose, one that they had obviously coordinated ahead of time. They had bent over whilst pulling their arms behind their backs in order to emphasize their cleavage.

  “…So I’m already starting to feel pretty hungry. What’s for dinner tonight, Leila?” I walked right past both girls and headed towards the kitchen in order to address the one individual I trusted to have remained sane.

  “We’ll be having doria tonight, My Lord.”


  “Doria? Nice. I love doria. Can’t wait.”


  “W-what the heck, Master!? Don’t just ignore us!” Lyuu spun around and grabbed me by the shoulders in a desperate attempt to dissuade me from continuing towards the kitchen. “At least tell us how you felt! Come on! Anythin’ll do! Look how hard we, your adorable wives, are tryin’ to knock your socks off! Can’t you see how sexy these poses are!?”


  “Sexy…? You mean embarrassing?” I asked. “I can’t even look at you two right now.”


  “That’s gotta be ’cause they were totally workin’ way too well, right?”


  I don’t know about you, but all I’m getting out of this is a cringe. Evidently, I wasn’t the only one to have thought that the girls had embarrassed themselves. In fact, Nell was so ashamed that she had turned to face a corner, squatted down, and hid her face with her hands. She was, quite literally, red all the way up to her ears. Which means this is probably another one of Lyuu’s “bright” ideas.

  Unlike the warwolf, the hero had been showing signs of embarrassment from the get-go. In fact, it seemed that she had really pushed herself to go through with it, as she had started trembling by the time she blew a kiss.

  “…Where did you learn that dumb pose anyway?” I asked.

  “I saw you show it to the kids when you were playin’ with them, Master. And I remember it made ya grin from ear to ear,” she said. “I know you’re more attracted to kids than adults, but I thought you might like to see us doin’ it too.”


  “…So I’ve got plenty to comment about that. But first of all, could you not make it sound like I’m some sort of child molestor? Because I’m not.”


  “You ain’t…? Really…?” asked Nell, wide-eyed.

  “Why does that come as a surprise…?”


  I wasn’t very amused. I certainly had taught the girls a bunch of silly sh*t while we were playing house, but it wasn’t because I was some sort of sick pervert. While I certainly was grinning from ear to ear, it wasn’t because I was getting off. Rather, I just found the juxtaposition ironically entertaining. You hear that, FBI? It was just for sh*ts and giggles. I’m innocent. And definitely not a sexual deviant. Definitely.

  The time I spent conversing with Lyuu allowed Nell to shake off a little bit of her initial embarrassment. She took her hands off her face and turned back towards us. “See, Lyuu? I told you this wouldn’t work,” she groaned, “Yuki only gets turned on by children! There’s no way we could’ve possibly knocked his socks off!”


  “That ain’t true, Nell! I’m sure Master’s real happy. I bet he’s just tryin’ his best not to let it show ’cause he’s embarrassed. He’s still grinnin’, just on the inside,” said Lyuu. “The difference between us and the littler girls is that he ain’t able to stop his smile from comin’ up to the surface when he sees them do it ’cause it makes him too excited to hold it all in.”


  “Girls, please. This whole conversation seems predicated on the assumption that I get turned on by children. Which I do not,” I said. “Knock it off already.”


  Much to my annoyance, neither of the two seemed to acknowledge the claim in any which way, but they at least stopped talking about it. Mostly because Lefi had happened to decide to join the conversation.

  “You are certainly putting your best efforts into impressing him, Lyuu.”


  “O’course I am!” she declared, peppily. “I ain’t just any other maid anymore! I’ve gone and turned into one of Master’s wives too!” The maid’s face slowly reddened as she spoke. “And that means I gotta make him real happy!”


  It almost physically pains me to admit this, but that big embarrassed smile is pretty cute in its own right. Though Lyuu and I had, according to her father, been wed, not much had really changed. The warwolf was still a maid. She still wore maid clothes and did maid things. Likewise, the power dynamic between her and Leila had also remained completely unchanged.

  There was, however, one thing that had changed. Our relationship. We were no longer master and servant, but rather, husband and wife. At least in name, anyway. While I wasn’t really acting much different, Lyuu was doing what she believed all wives should: trying her goddamn best to keep me as happy as she could.

  Despite growing up as a tomboy, the wolf maid seemed to greatly admire the newlywed life. She had, apparently, always dreamed of one day being a bride and letting her girlier side loose. That, in and of itself, wasn’t the problem. If anything, I thought it was adorable. Or at least it would have been had her head not been full of delusions, delusions that she was trying to bring to the real world; her imagination had led her to create scenarios which were unbefitting of her nature, unrealistic, or skewed in some other manner. Every single one she tried to live out always had something or another wrong with it. Lyuu never has been the brightest of the bunch. So I guess this is kinda expected.

  Throwing the over-imagined scenarios she came up with into a blender with Nell’s inability to refuse just about anything created what I could only see as a stain on the poor hero’s record, a shameful memory that would span the ages. Artificially, that is. Note to self: remind Nell about her embarrassing antics as soon as she forgets.

  “Come on, Lefi! You gotta do it too and totally blow Master away!”


  “I… will refrain.”


  “What heck!? Come on, Lefi! Just do it!”


  “…You know. That doesn’t sound half bad. I’ve already got it pictured in my head, and I’m kinda wanting to see actually happen,” I said.

  “Y-You do!?” squeaked the dragon.

  Heh. Hook, line, and sinker. I’m totally going to point fingers and laugh my ass off the moment she tries. I can already see exactly how ridiculous she’ll look.

  “Come on, Lefi! Now you really gotta do it!” said Lyuu. “Even Master’s sayin’ he wants you to! So be just like us and do yer best to make him smile!”


  “I-I do not think it would be very enjoyable for either party.”


  The reluctant silver-haired maiden looked to the only friend that had yet to betray her for help. “W-what say you, Nell? As a victim of Lyuu’s scheme yourself, do you not agree that there is little reason for me to attempt something so ridiculous?”


  “…Just do it Lefi,” grumbled the hero. “If I had to, then you should too.”


  “Curses,” grumbled the dragon. “I did not expect to be betrayed by your resentment and remorse.”


  “You see, Lefi? There’s no fighting it.” I said. “Come on.”


  “Yeah, come on, Lefi! Do it!” added Lyuu as she tugged at the hem of the other girl’s dress.

  Our thorough attempts at convincing her eventually seemed to get through. “Fine… I will do it, so stop pestering me.” Lefi sighed in annoyance, took a step forward, faced her back to us, cleared her throat, and took a deep breath. “W-welcome h-home, d-darling.” She tripped over her own words a few times as she spun around and blew a kiss whilst taking the exact pose that the other two had had just a minute prior.

  It was a critical hit. My eyes widened as I stepped backwards with a hand over my chest. If I had a drink, I most certainly would have done a spit take. Keeping my eyes on her was impossible. I had no choice but to avert them else risk completely losing my bearings.

  “S-See? Did I not tell you that it wouldn’t bode well? I cannot believe I allowed you to trick me into this!”


  “No, um…” I tried to correct her, but couldn’t find the words. I was too taken aback. The way she stuttered and blushed as she turned her eyes up on me hit every single one of my sweet spots. And the kiss she blew had struck me right in the heart. The difference between the enchanting appeal and her usual behaviour was so stark that it only served to amplify the strength of her attack. Describing this exact scenario was why the Japanese term “gap moe” had been created.

  “W-wow…” said Lyuu as she trembled in fear. “I knew Lefi was the first to steal Master’s heart, but I really didn’t think she’d be this good at it.”


  “R-right? T-that was really effective,” agreed Nell, who was apparently now blushing for a whole different set of reasons, “I felt it hit home even though we’re both girls.”


  The way the hero was looking at the other girl was concerning. She was just as charmed as I was. Wow, Nell. I didn’t know you swung that way. As for Lyuu’s reaction? Yeah, no comment.

  All three of us would likely have remained stunned by Lefi’s overpowering display had Leila not poked her head out of the kitchen. “Dinner will be ready shortly. Weren’t you supposed to be helping me, Lyuu?”


  “R-Right, I almost forgot! I’ll be there in a sec!” The first to recover from the shock was Lyuu, who exited stage left in order to attend to her duties.

  “I should probably go get the kids so they won’t be late for dinner.” Next was Nell, who had apparently shook off the CC with her heroic tenacity. The slovenly look on her face found itself replaced by a gentle smile. “I think I know where to find them, so I’ll be right back. Take care of Lefi for me, okay?”


  “Y-yeah, sure.”


  She fiddled with the door in a manner that proved she had grown used to it and closed it behind her as she left. I know I’ve already said this a whole bunch of times, but wow. She really is used to living here now, isn’t she? I mean, that’s fine and all, but it’s also not. I’m kind of hoping she’ll stay the badass hero she is instead of letting all the idiots around here influence and ruin her.

  And then there were two. Lefi and I were the only two that remained. She was sulking, while I was still doing my damned best not to look at her.

  A small smile appeared on my lips as I looped around behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, Lefi?”


  “…What?” she grumbled.

  “Could you do me a favour and do that one more time?” I asked. “Ideally while wearing a maid’s outfit.”


  “Absolutely not!”


  Well then. That’s the hardest refusal I’ve ever heard from her.

  —