.  What worried me the most was the excessively changed Yoo Chun Young growing too apart from me whether at his own will or others’ will. I couldn’t tell it directly to him since Yoo Chun Young, my friend, was trying to step up efforts in a new field. Those words shouldn’t come back to haunt him.

  At that moment, his response returned.

  “I won’t change.”


  Blinking swiftly at his declaring words, I soon showed a smile and tossed a question.

  “How can’t a person change when every situation is making him different?”


  “In other places, I can look like I’ve changed, but no, not in front of you. I won’t.”


  Such words sounded as if he had read my mind. Being surprised for a moment, I asked him again, “Why?”


  “The reason why I got interested in acting is……”


  He rolled his blue eyes and directed them back on me. I was then struck dumb at his following words.

  “.…… That’s because of you.”


  I sincerely couldn’t understand. What did it have to do with me? Did he feel tempted to start his acting career all of a sudden because of me? Oh, did he, by any chance, see me acting with all my soul and might in order to avoid the situation whenever something bad happened to Ban Yeo Ryung? But, so to speak, that was close to performing an act of survival……

  That was when Yoo Chun Young turned his head back to me and added, “As you know. my background or personality isn’t that normal.”


  “Ah, yeah……” I replied. You did know that, huh? Well, his character was somehow very unusual, so it’d be strange for him to not perceive that until now…… I nodded softly.

  He continued, “Maybe because of that it’s hard for me to understand others’ feelings like in what situation does a person feel something, and especially, you…… you’re even more……”


  “.……”


  “So, if I get a chance to live others’ lives, won’t it become easier? That’s what I thought.”


  Speaking that way, he diverted his gaze back onto me as if he was waiting for my reaction.

  I shortly replied, “I see. I get it……”


  There was nothing I could say other than that. Since Yoo Chun Young didn’t care about others that much, I was surprised by the fact that he was actually paying attention to himself not being able to understand me and others. However, he wouldn’t get to know me better just by living other’s life.

  The look in my eyes subsided. I said to myself, ‘Rather being able to know me from that, I’ll be, even more, incomprehensible to you when viewed from someone else’s perspective. It’s because of the secret, which only I know in this world, not from the difference between you and me. If I tell him the truth, Yoo Chun Young can perhaps not start off his acting career, but, of course, I can’t do that.’


  Though I thought that way, I, on the other hand, found how contradicting myself was. Why was I trying to stop Yoo Chun Young from changing while confessing my biggest secret? Why were people expecting themselves to renew and develop every day but wished others to remain the same?

  I stared at his blue eyes obviously as if I was trying to search for the Yoo Chun Young I knew in the layers of times. At that very moment, the bell on the door rang; Ban Yeo Ryung and the Four Heavenly Kings’ chatter poured out from the convenience store.

  The weird atmosphere around us then disappeared. When I looked behind me, Eun Jiho talking to Jooin with a flinch came into view.

  “Ewww, he finally got that instant noodle-flavored ice cream.”


  Yoo Chun Young and I stepped close to that side and said, “What??

  “Whoa, let me try it too.”


  In fear of the ice cream getting melted away in a short time, each of us quickly took a bite. As the chunk of ice cream melted in our mouth, a very unexpected taste oozed out from it, which made me keep bursting into laughter. If I bought this ice cream myself, it was, of course, not the level of taste that I could just laugh away.

  On the other hand, Yoo Chun Young, who had a more sensitive palate than me, couldn’t even swallow a bite but spat it out to the sewer.

  Watching that sight, Jooin shouted naughtily, “Ah, what the heck?! If I let you a bite, you have to eat it. Are you disregarding my sincerity?”


  “Yeah, are you disregarding him?” laughed Ban Yeo Ryung. As if she waited for it to happen, Ban Yeo Ryung danced to Jooin’s tune.

  Intermingling with them, I also giggled and pointed an accusing finger at Yoo Chun Young.

  We chitchatted noisily until the end then went separate ways in front of the apartment, as usual.

  “Then, be safe.”


  “Bye, take care!”


  On my way to the elevator with Ban Yeo Ryung, I thought, ‘In the end, it’s just me who’s being left behind,’ then I dropped my gaze to my hand in the dim light of the elevator.

  Sometimes, I often thought about the situations that I assumed under the words of ‘perhaps’ or ‘by any chance.’ On the rainy Sports day, the moment when Yoo Chun Young and I talked to each other under the slate roof, if the rain stopped pouring, what would you have said to me? What would have happened to us?

  Even when I was being captivated by those meaningless suppositions, he was just moving forward without hesitation while leaving me and all our past behind him.

  “Donnie?” called Yeo Ryung.

  I quickly lifted my head. Although I was lost in other thoughts, my body was walking steadily toward my house; before I even knew it, we had arrived in the hallway in front of our units.

  However, Ban Yeo Ryung called me for something else. Yeo Dan oppa, placing his arm on the balustrade, suddenly turned his head to look at us.

  His khaki cardigan swayed over his thin shirt. His face against the dark blue sky looked paler than usual. Leaving me there who stiffened at the completely unexpected encounter, Yeo Ryung turned around as if it was natural.

  “I’ll go inside then,” said Yeo Ryung.

  “Ah, hold on, Yeo Ryung……”


  Despite my desperate call, Yeo Ryung opened the door immediately and quickly went inside. Looking blankly at her black hair swinging like an illusion through the door, I soon turned my head back.

  Yeo Dan oppa was standing still like a mannequin in the middle of the hallway. When I tilted my head after staring at him for a second, he seemed to become very tense even at my trifling moves.

  ‘Uh, hold on. Why?’ I wondered. The overall situation seemed like I called him out intentionally to talk about something important, but actually, we had nothing tonight.

  Furrowing my brows for a moment, I soon bent my steps to get close to him. As soon as I touched the balustrade with my hands while standing beside him, the cold air crawled up on my arms.

  The last cold snap didn’t cease yet. Earlier, since I laughed my head off too much, I even felt hot that I wasn’t aware of how cold it was. As soon as I had those thoughts in mind, Yeo Dan oppa took off his cardigan.

  I grabbed his wrist in surprise and uttered, “Uh, no, you don’t have to do that, oppa. You’re wearing such thinner clothes inside than me.”


  “But……”


  “I have my uniform jacket on, so I’m good, for real, oppa.”


  As I kept saying that way, Yeo Dan oppa couldn’t help but put his cardigan back on him that was slipping down from his shoulders. He then stared at me with a blank look.

  There was another moment of silence as if we had never had any conversations. Not being able to endure that vibe, I began to talk about some things. It was all about daily life such as things that happened at school, someone saying something funny, or if studying was going okay. They were close to such conversational topics between friends, not couples.

  However, it didn’t last long too. When we were out of stories, at last, I just pouted my mouth then finally closed my mouth.

  It was strange. Last year, during the winter break, we had been staying together almost all the time while we weren’t in cram school and had plenty of things to talk about. However, we had run out of subjects of conversation when today was the third day that we didn’t see each other.

  Did we become awkward within just three days of not staying together? However, Yeo Dan oppa and I had been living next-doors since we were young and before we became a couple. Except for the years that I couldn’t remember, we’d been knowing each other for over four years.

  But this tension flowing between us was undoubtedly real.