Atlas Studios

  Atlas Studios

  It was also because of Su Qi that I stepped into the karaoke room for the first time in my life. The night of Dongyu’s birthday was the second time I had been to a karaoke.

  Compared to the excitement of the first time, this time round, it felt rather old fashioned as Su Qi and I sat alone in the karaoke room.

  We selected many songs, most of which were popular songs back then.

  At that time, Jay Chou and Lin Junjie’s songs were popular. I selected “I Still Miss Her”, grabbed the microphone and sang.

  “Tears are drowning me

  Who should actually be sad?

  Who actually gave up this relationship

  I finally come to understand

  Unachievable promises

  Become shackles

  In reality, happiness is forever in shortage

  Please tell her

  I don’t love her

  Sadly laughing

  Self-punishing

  I wish to end all struggles

  Cross my heart

  To tell a truthful lie

  Don’t tell her

  I still miss her

  It’s easier to leave behind hate than love

  When tears are stuck in my throat

  Just let the silence

  Represent all answers…”


  This song was saved in Dongyu’s MP3 for the longest time.

  At that time, I didn’t understand why he liked this song. When I first heard it, the tune was nice, and the lyrics were sad and beautiful. I also became addicted to it. I collected many of Lin Junjie’s songs and became his little fan.

  However, after listening to so many songs, it was ultimately this one song that I never got tired of.

  “I don’t love, I don’t feel pain, I don’t understand

  My heart has been emptied

  And I don’t mean what I say.

  Please tell her

  I don’t love her

  Sadly laughing

  Self-punishing

  I wish to end all struggles

  Cross my heart

  To tell a truthful lie

  Don’t tell her

  I still miss her

  It’s easier to leave behind hate than love

  When tears are stuck in my throat

  Just let the silence

  Represent all answers…”


  After singing this song, I suddenly felt as if every word in the lyrics was stabbing at my heart, and somewhere in my chest, there was an unbearable pain. I grabbed a can of beer, pulled the tab, and took a big gulp.

  Su Qi looked at me silently. Maybe he could tell that something was wrong with my mood today, but he couldn’t read my sadness. For a moment, he just sat silently beside me and put his arm around my shoulders.

  “Ignore them!” I said to him, “We’ll have our karaoke session!”


  Su Qi was concerned. “Xiachun, what’s wrong? You’ve been drinking so much. Are you okay?”


  “What’s this bit of wine?”


  As I spoke, I opened my mouth to take another swig. He finally couldn’t take it anymore. He pressed his hand against mine, stopping me.

  “Stop drinking! Are you here to sing or drink?”


  “You ordered so much wine. Isn’t it a waste not to drink?”


  “You don’t have to finish it all!”


  I hugged his shoulders without saying anything. At that time, because of the alcohol, my head gradually started to feel dizzy. I leaned close to him and inched my face close to his. I smiled and under my alcohol laden breath said, “Sing with me, okay?”


  “…Okay.”


  “I heard that you sing very well. Sing a song for me!”


  Su Qi smiled, then went to the jukebox and selected a song. Maybe he guessed I liked Lin Junjie’s song. He selected the song, “I Want to Love Her.”


  “It started raining

  He held the umbrella standing next to you

  But I’m not happy

  Because I saw the reluctant smile on his face

  I really want to love her

  But the eyes lie

  It’s easier to hide

  Lest feelings become complicated

  I really want to love her

  But reason disagreed

  Is retreating a solution?

  Who has an answer for me

  If we can’t bear

  We’d both be victims

  I really want to love her

  But the eyes lie

  It’s easier to hide

  Lest feelings become complicated

  I really want to love her

  But reason disagreed

  Is retreating a solution?

  Who has an answer for me