Atlas Studios

  Atlas Studios

  I never knew that alcohol could do this to a person.

  However, I also came to understand why so many people become alcoholic. It is because of the pain that they harbor deep in their hearts. Only when they are drunk can they break out and break free from all the restraints.

  In that moment when I’m able to release all of my pain, it feels great nevertheless!

  I vaguely recalled grabbing someone’s collar and asking, “Tell me, why can’t I like Yin Dongyu? Why?!”


  “Why can’t I kiss him?”


  “Why can’t I marry him?”


  “Why… does he reject me when clearly, he likes me?”


  …


  That’s right.

  Yin Dongyu likes me.

  He thought I would never grow up, that I would always be that ignorant girl.

  How could I not tell?

  The intoxication and struggle in his eyes the first time we kissed. He was wistful and conflicted.

  He ruthlessly pushed me away, but his eyes told me that more than anything, he wanted to hold me in his arms.

  I hated the fact that we had the same blood flowing through us. If I could, I would cut myself open and let this blood drain away.

  That night, I was drowned in strong alcohol and deafening music.

  Some say that a girl’s first time is like a sacred ritual

  I’m not sure how to describe my first time.

  If words had to be used to describe it, it would be a cruel torture, or a sacrifice.

  I gave all of my happiness and goodness, to honor my pathetic and humble obsession.

  Perhaps this was the price of growing up and sobering up, but the price was way too steep.

  On TV, there had been many stories and cases of girls having lost their way during puberty. Whether it was in the news or in some TV drama serial, they didn’t seem to give me much warning.

  The next morning, I woke up staring blankly at an empty ceiling.

  What pulled my mind back to reality was the strangeness of my own body.

  I had read many novels about the first time, some describe it as the feeling of having being run over by a truck, or some sort of deep and sharp pain. It was nothing like that.

  However, a certain burning sensation reminded me that my body had quietly changed without my knowledge.

  I saw the blanket covering me and sat up, only to realize that there was someone else lying beside me.

  When I turned to look, it became clearer.

  It was an unfamiliar young man.

  Who did he say he was?

  Why was he lying here too?

  More importantly, why was he naked like me?

  I clutched the blanket tightly and mustered my courage to look at my body under the blanket. His hand was wrapped around my waist.

  All at once, I couldn’t be more sober.

  It was like a blow to the head. My nerves were so tense that it hurt.

  There was a tearing pain at the base of my thigh.

  However, what hurt even more than this was the sense of loss and numbness in my heart, as well as the little bit of shame that remained.

  However, I didn’t scream. Or perhaps, when my scream was about to leave my throat, I was so ashamed that I couldn’t do it!

  I just sat there, stunned. My brain felt as if it had been hollowed out by an invisible hand. I didn’t yell or cry.

  I thought it was a dream. I was hoping it was one.

  I raised my head, hoping to wake up and return to reality…… However, the cruelest thing about reality is having the last thing you wish for, happen.