“Just take it that your mother is begging you!”


  She said almost tearfully, “Dongyu is your Dad’s and Mom’s only hope! He must not be ruined by your ideas. Do you understand? Just take it that Mom is begging you to be obedient, go abroad to study, okay?!”


  My soul seemed to drain out of me at once. I gave up struggling and nodded.

  That night, my mother did not take me home. Instead, she took me on a bus to Shanghai.

  When my aunt arrived in Shanghai the next day, my mother couldn’t wait to see me off. She didn’t even convey my last goodbye to Dongyu.

  I remember hearing someone call out to me as the bus began to accelerate.

  A child sitting in the next compartment pointed out the window and said in astonishment, “Dad, someone is running after the bus!”


  I couldn’t help but follow the child’s gaze and looked out of the window. What I saw was just a desolate scene.

  Perhaps, at that point, my heart had already withered.

  …


  The days of studying abroad were very peaceful, so peaceful that it was as if I had died.

  That may sound rather dispirited.

  But in reality, no matter what I did, I was emotionless. Even in the exam that the students were most afraid of, I could always calmly face those blond examiners and then answer them with ease.

  It was not that I did not miss him.

  More than once, I missed those days when we were young and innocent. In the beautiful countryside of my hometown, Dongyu and I roamed about without a care in the world.

  In the afternoons, we carried our bottles to the river to catch tadpoles, climbed trees to catch cicadas. We even secretly lit a wild fire and accidentally burned the neighbor’s straw shed. The two of us fled in fear and didn’t dare to go home for a long time.

  Home… I really wanted to go home. I kept thinking, if only I hadn’t been born Yin Xiachun.

  That was my family, but not my home.

  Every time I thought about it, the pain gnawed at me. I didn’t want to think about it, but what else did I have apart from these memories?

  More fearful than parting, was this longing that consumed me and lingered on within me like a roaring flood.

  Until I returned to my homeland, I didn’t feel much joy.

  For me, homeland was just a synonym.

  As I rode the cab through the streets that felt so strange and unfamiliar, I suddenly realized that what I had missed was far more than just eight years of my time.

  After we got out of the cab, I followed my mother into a brand new, upscale apartment building. I figured the demolition of the old building must have returned a hefty allowance.

  In the elevator, my mother smiled as she orientated me. “We now live on the 14th floor. Back then when the building was demolished, we had to roll the numbers. The community director said that if we paid 10,000 yuan, we could choose our floor! We specially chose this floor. There’s ample light and the view is good. All three rooms are facing south. We specially set aside a large room with a balcony for you!”


  I said nothing, and looked around silently.

  My mother added, “This estate sits in a good location. It’s usually very quiet.”


  When we came to our unit, she took out her keys. Then, as though something suddenly came to mind, she turned around and asked me, “Xiachun, you’ve graduated from school for more than a year haven’t you?”


  I nodded silently.

  She noticed my coldness, but still, she tried to communicate with me. “When do you plan to return for good? We’re all looking forward to your return.”