TLC: Lilies

  Editor: Whiteflare

  They’re not locals and he didn’t contact them for a long time.

  Broken family? That was Ning Xiaoxiao’s first thought.

  She had heard that children from broken families were likely to be influenced by their parents and were prone to grow up to be distrustful or easily agitated towards their partners…… Some of them could even develop a tendency to domestic violence; no matter how she looked at this matter, it didn’t seem too optimistic.

  Just when she was caught up in her worries, Shen Yan startled her by suddenly getting up from his seat. She accidentally dropped her chopsticks which hit against the side of the bowl with a clink before rolling towards Shen Yan’s side of the table.

  The atmosphere instantly froze.

  Shen Yan saw her shrinking back. Even though at the time like this she should reach out to pick up her chopsticks, her hand unexpectedly shrunk back, as if she was afraid of him flying into a fit of rage. He couldn’t help but stare blankly for a moment as he stood there awkwardly.

  “You dropped your chopsticks.” After a long time, he mustered the most gentle smile he could and picked up that pair of chopsticks with the lightest of movements. He didn’t return them to her directly, just slowly placing them at the side of a saucer for her. Throughout the whole process, he kept an appropriate distance, so as not to make her feel any pressure.

  “Ah, thank you……” The furious look she imagined didn’t appear on his face; Ning Xiaoxiao came back to her senses and quickly thanked with an apologetic smile on her face.

  “I’m sorry, I’ll go to the toilet for a moment.” Shen Yan kept his smile, his manners still as gentle. But with that look appearing on his ashen face, it was obvious to everyone looking that he was forcing himself, including Qi Jing.

  “Shen Yan.” Qi Jing was seated by the walkway, so if Shen Yan wanted to go out, Qi Jing would have to first stand up and make a way for him. Yet he not only didn’t make Shen Yan a way, but also grabbed Shen Yan’s hand with his brows deeply furrowed.

  “I wasn’t careful when I was putting the ingredients in before, some broth splashed at my hand. I’m just going to wash it.” Shen Yan used a very reasonable excuse.

  Qi Jing hesitated for a while and finally released his hand slowly, moving aside without saying a word to open up a path for him. Shen Yan smiled at him faintly, looking remorseful yet grateful, then left the table after nodding politely towards Ning Xiaoxiao, disappearing behind the corner of the corridor.

  “Seems I asked something I shouldn’t have asked.” Ning Xiao waited till he was far away before throwing a glance towards Qi Jing sitting on the other side of the table.

  Qi Jing looked at her with a stern expression on his face, not saying a single word.

  “Senior, don’t you think this person is rather strange?” Ning Xiaoxiao asked in a hushed voice.

  “Xiaoxiao,” Qi Jing interrupted her, his right hand firmy curled into a fist on the table. A rare cold and strict tone could be heard in his voice, “Say anything more and I will get angry.”


  She had no idea—in fact, he was sure that Shen Yan wouldn’t possibly agree to go out together for this meeting.

  He obviously wasn’t adept in dealing with strangers, but because Ning Xiaoxiao was a close friend of his, Shen Yan ultimately still chose to accept the invitation despite some hesitation. “It would be good to see your friends and even better if I could integrate with your social circle.” He said at that time, an optimistic look on his face.

  Mrs. Pang—the head nurse from the clinic—had once said that people who didn’t understand Shen Yan would usually regard him as cold and detached. At first, Qi Jing didn’t regard him as cold and just thought him taciturn.

  However, as the puzzle pieces he had in his hands accumulated, the warmer the colours of them became, becoming one step closer to the image of spring with each piece. Qi Jing was eager to show it to other people, to prove it to them—but it seems that he had underestimated the adversities of reality.

  “He is a boyfriend that’s still under probation, shouldn’t I help you find out more about him?” Ning Xiaoxiao felt terribly wronged.

  When Shen Yan was answering those questions, even though Qi Jing didn’t declare his position, the surprise in his eyes didn’t escape her attention—she knew at first glance that he had heard about that for the first time. After some inference based on the information she had been presented, she was almost convinced that Qi Jing had been fooled.

  “He—” has already passed the probation.

  Qi Jing opened his lips half-ways before closing them back again; he decided not to tell her lest it complicated things even further.

  “Surely you didn’t know about his qualifications before this, did you?” She pressed him further.

  “I didn’t, because I never asked.” And never cared. Qi Jing furrowed his brows, swallowing back his words.

  “You probably didn’t know about his family situation either, did you?”


  “I didn’t ask about that in detail either.”


  Ning Xiaoxiao’s face was full of worry, and she inevitably lowered her voice as she advised: “Senior, you didn’t ask anything and you don’t know anything; in the end, how much do you understand this person? Even though you have used so many good words to describe him, weren’t you just being too subjective for a moment? Wasn’t it just a momentary infatuation that messed with your mind? I think that…… he might not be very reliable.”


  Qi Jing’s gaze was ice-cold as he fixed his eyes at her, “Tell me then, how is he not reliable?”


  Ning Xiaoxiao’s mouth twitched, “He couldn’t even get on the undergraduate course, it’s clear to see that his education level isn’t high. Meanwhile, you’re a graduate from a prestigious university. Can the two of you really speak on the same page normally?”


  Not to mention the fact that this person wasn’t even much of a talker to begin with.

  At that moment, Qi Jing suddenly scoffed, “A famous university? What can some famous university prove? If we need to talk about education, then that person was my classmate—and what was the result?”


  Results? There had never been any, only a bitter end awaited him. His will which he thought was as strong as steel had warped under the pressure of reality, nearly breaking&#k2014;only a fortunate and timely retreat had kept him from a complete breakdown.

  And only when he finally couldn’t hold on anymore did he realise that the other party had already made a break for it even earlier, even faster than him.

  Naturally, there was no way he could possibly bear such a heavy burden.

  “I’m sorry, you were actually serious about it.”


  Undoubtedly, it hurt the most when after he walked each step by step conscientiously, the other party had suddenly drawn a stop sign on the road, tossing a phrase like that, then pushing him back to the starting line. It was like having a bucket of ice-cold water poured over his head in the middle of winter. He was obviously frostbitten, yet he could only feign nonchalance, putting a smile on his face as he went his way.

  In all these years since then, he could never get himself to once again try and take the first step, not until Shen Yan had pulled him across that white starting line.

  Ning Xiaoxiao remembered it all.

  The night when Qi Jing came out of the closet to her and told her about that unpleasant relationship he couldn’t bear to look back at, both of them drank the whole night, drowning their sorrows. That night she cried ten tissue packets worth of tears and virtually threw up half her soul in her dorm room the next day.

  And that was precisely the reason why now when she found out that Qi Jing had fallen in love with someone again after all those years, she couldn’t help but be especially cautious and look out for him everywhere.

  At the present, traces of pain were faintly visible on Qi Jing’s face; he was clearly remembering something.

  Ning Xiaoxiao regretted her slip of tongue, and hurried to console him, “Senior, that guy was an exception. To be honest, you and that guy were really a good match in all aspects, it’s just…… You were too young at that time and couldn’t bear the social pressure. With how open-minded the current society has become, maybe, maybe now he would……”


  “Now, he already has a wife and a son.” Qi Jing interrupted her in a low voice, each and every word decisive, “It’s enough, I don’t want to talk about that person, much less have thoughts about getting back together with him. Don’t mention him anymore.”


  The conversation got stuck in a deadlock. All that could be heard was the bubbling of the broth in the pot as billows of vapor rose, repeatedly causing a choking sensation to spread, making breathing difficult.

  Ning Xiaoxiao hung her head, scrunching the hem of her skirt, her lips pressed into a thin line.

  Qi Jing calmed down a little. Seeing how wronged she felt, his heart also softened. He knew that his Junior’s intentions were good, so he sighed lightly, “I understand your opinion. You only worry about those things because you care about me. But no matter Shen Yan’s educational background, he at least truly loves and respects his work—that’s not something I thought arbitrarily on my own, it’s a truth that was proven to me by reality.”


  No matter whether it was the process of cat rescue before or the matter with Little Return Date, Shen Yan’s medical ethics were always flawless, winning Qi Jing over easily. As someone who worked in news media, ugly matters of all kinds could be found everywhere, so he’d seen too much of it already.

  That’s why he was very clear how rare people like Shen Yan were.

  “Be it his co-workers or the volunteers from the animal rescue, all of them can attest to that.” Other than having a point to argue for, he needed the evidence to support it as well and Qi Jing’s grounds weren’t just personal.

  “Okay then, but even if there’s no problem with his education or career, his family background still looks concerning.” Ning Xiaoxiao was afraid of aggravating him, so she hesitated for a long time before persisting in voicing her opinion.

  After all, Qi Jing had already suffered once before, so she hoped he would be more cautious about that, “I’m not just spouting nonsense here; it’s a truth proven by a lot of real-life examples. For children with parents that have strained relationships, they can become withdrawn, develop abusive tendencies, and so on…… You must have heard of these cases with how you reporters are always out and about conducting interviews, right? Senior, I can see that you really like him, but it would be better if you investigated this matter thoroughly and thought about it deeply.”


  Seems like Shen Yan himself had also said something like that before—”Think it over carefully before giving me a reply.”


  Shen Yan had also said that he would wait patiently. He would be always waiting.

  Wait until he says he’s willing.

  “I don’t know what’s the matter with his parents, nor do I know how much it affected him.” Qi Jing’s fist clenched on the table relaxed slowly. He placed his hand on the seat Shen Yan was sitting on just a while ago, his palm spread on its surface as if he wanted to preserve that warmth had yet to dissipate, “But what I do know…… is that all this time until now, he had been taking care of me, sharing with me the burden of daily life trifles. And not once has he ever forced himself on me.”


  His voice was hoarse, trembling slightly, as he did his utmost to keep his whirlwind of emotions in check.

  Ning Xiaoxiao’s face was pale, and she mumbled in a low voice, “Senior……”


  Qi Jing took a deep breath. He shook his head, probably realising he had he lost his composure. After all, his Junior was a girl, he should at least leave her a way out of this situation; him speaking too harshly would only put her in a difficult position, so he readjusted his tone back to normal again, “I know that you’re saying this for my own good, thank you.”


  Only then did Ning Xiaoxiao summon the courage to lift her head and look him in the eye, even though her fiddling with the hem of her skirt had yet to stop.

  “Don’t worry,” Qi Jing smiled at her faintly, “I have already experienced a very long period of struggle before making this new start, but I don’t regret making this decision. I believe in him.”


  Finally, Ning Xiaoxiao put her hands down and pouted, “Fine. As long as you’re happy, Senior.”


  There was one thing she had to admit—Qi Jing’s current state was still way better than during the time after the accident. Even though she firmly believed that Qi Jing had better options to choose from and could live a better life, the feelings of the person involved were the most important. It was of no use for outsiders to say anything.

  “Then be good and eat the hotpot, don’t ask such invasive questions like you’re checking their accounts anymore.” Qi Jing said while making a gesture of picking up the chopsticks and tapping at the side of the pot while raising his eyebrow. Ning Xiaoxiao nodded quickly like a chicken pecking on rice.

  After talking over it with his Junior, Qi Jing threw a glance towards toilets. He still didn’t see Shen Yan coming back. He thought for a while before quietly fishing out his phone. He replicated the message Shen Yan had wrote to him before, texting him in a similar manner: 【Come back when you’re ready; I’ll be waiting for you.】


  Shen Yan didn’t see the message, as he couldn’t even hear the notification beep from his phone. The faucet before him was turned to the fullest and the splashing of the water was flooding his hearing rapidly. His ears were echoing with buzzing, not allowing any other sounds in.

  He closed his eyes and—without even knowing how many times had he already done that—scooped water in his hands and splashed it on his face a few times.

  The water seeping into his eyes resulted in a stinging pain. He couldn’t open his eyes, only able to feel the water traces dripping down on his face continuously, falling down from his nose briskly whenever he lowered his head. He had to wash away the negative thoughts from his face with water, let them disappear in the drain pipe, let them sink deep, deep underground.

  Only this way, he would be able to leave a good impression.

  Only this way, he would be able to go back to his seat and proceed with those topics.

  But those voices from his memories refused to stop, refusing to let him off—even when he turned the water on to the loudest, with the stream of water so rapid it made the water pipes quiver, those voices still were impossible to resist, drilling into his ears obstinately, cruelly.

  That was probably the first time he heard his father’s voice.

  He was separated from it by the door; among the heartrending cries of the woman outside, it echoed furiously, “You shouldn’t have given birth to him in the first place!”


  The woman’s cries gradually turned into laughter, both mournful and miserable, “Yes! I regret it, I really regret giving birth to him!”


  At that time, he was sitting alone in a room, clenching a pen and writing his homework in silence. No matter what sounds came through the door, whether it was cursing, crying, or the sound of things falling and breaking, he kept his head low. He wanted to earnestly finish writing his homework arranged by the teacher, then hide under the covers, cover his ears, and go to sleep peacefully. As long as he could make it till the next morning, he would be able to go to school and leave those voices far behind him.

  He wouldn’t have to be anyone’s “shouldn’t have” or anyone’s “regret”.

  But no matter how he tried, he just couldn’t finish writing his exercises.

  It wasn’t because he didn’t know how, but because every time he answered the question, something would always wet the words written in pencil. One drop after another, it wetted them into a mess, making them unreadable. He could only start all over, time and time again.

  Later, the woman burst through the door and came in, dragging him up from the chair, repeating in a shrill voice, “Let’s go! Let’s go!”


  Up until that instant, he was still hellbent on continuing with his work, but he used too much strength and the tip of the pencil broke through the paper while his person was violently yanked backwards. Following the sudden movement, the pencil ripped through his workbook and rolled onto the ground along with his rubber and ruler.

  In the end, he never did manage to hand in that homework.

  He didn’t hand in the homework, he didn’t even attend that school anymore and wandered back with that woman to that small town he was born in.

  In that town were his maternal family which he should be calling his grandparents and there were also some relatives he had never seen before. The look those people gave him was identical to the look the woman was giving him back when they were living in the rented apartment. He knew what that look meant—shut your mouth, don’t make any noise, sit silently in the corner by yourself.

  Houses in the town were built one next to another and usually, the backyards of neighbouring families were only separated by a low wall or a fence. During the time when he was temporarily living in his grandparents’ house, he would move a stool to read alone beside the wall and sometimes he would meet the neighbour’s cat.

  It was a senior cat. It was so old and decrepit, its belly hanging low heavily, and it had long lost the lustre of its fur. It would occasionally walk on the wall or even jump over to his side of the wall and lazily sunbathe on the ground. Every time it happened, he would sit and watch motionlessly, fearing that any move of his could scare the cat away.

  But that cat didn’t run away, and after some time, it would take an initiative to come over and rub against his leg.

  “Meow meow meow……”


  It would even talk to him like that and he would also respond. Neither of them knew what the other was talking about, but they still could maintain their conversation. And contrary to the people from that house, he could get along with it naturally.

  “My name is Shen Yan.” He said in a very small voice.

  “Meow.”


  “My mum is about to get married.” He told it about his grandparent’s conversation he heard through the wall. It was three months after he arrived here. The woman got fortunate with an arranged date under the status of a divorcee—the other party didn’t mind she had an ex-husband. It’s just he didn’t want that ex-husband’s child.

  “Meow.” The old cat couldn’t understand his words and only minded its business as it lifted its head, happily scratching an itch with its paws.

  “They said, they’re going to send me to my dad’s place…… As for whether or not he was willing to take me in, that would be his problem.” He repeated the words he heard slowly, and only then smiled at the old cat, “I might not be able to see you anymore.”


  “Meow.” the old cat lay down, nestling on the floor. Shen Yan seized an opportunity to caress the fur on its back lightly.

  The day the woman got married, the house was empty. All of the people went out to attend the wedding ceremony and only he was left behind in the backyard, spending the whole day with the cat as his only company as usual.

  Whenever he felt hungry, he would go by himself to search the leftover food in a freezer to warm it up in a microwave and take it under the wall, to eat it there slowly. He would even share some with the cat.

  “Your mum has married.”


  “We will send you to your dad’s place.”


  It was after the wedding ceremony when his grandparents said that to him. Even though he already knew that.

  They packed what little belongings he had into a duffel bag and sent him on a bus that headed back to the city. They told the driver that there would be somebody who would receive him at the bus stop. Then, they turned around and left without sparing him even a single glance.

  He spent a couple of hours on that bus without saying a word, returning to the city he left a couple of months ago. The bus arrived at the last stop and passengers had already gotten off one after another; only when the bus was completely empty did he slowly get off himself. He dragged out that bag from the luggage box with effort and stared dazedly at the busy bus stop at the streams of people that came and went.

  He didn’t know where he was going.

  All around him were unfamiliar faces, unfamiliar scenery. Chaotic words and sentences buzzed around, spiraling by his ears, leaving him with vertigo. Maybe it was because he didn’t eat anything on the road and it made him dizzy.

  But he didn’t have much money on him, he didn’t know how long he would be able to sustain himself after spending it. He was determined to save money and didn’t dare to buy food at the station. He could only hold his bag despite the dizzy spells and sit alone in the waiting room for two hours.

  Then, he realised—perhaps even if he waited another three hours, four hours, five hours or even longer, there wouldn’t be anybody coming for him.

  Because…… he was Shen Yan.

  “Shen Yan.”


  Just when he thought so, someone called out this name.

  It wasn’t the person he was supposed to call father, but an elderly person.

  That elderly man slowly walked out from the crowd of grey and the whole surrounding seemed to gain some colours that started dancing around before Shen Yan’s eyes. He trembled and straightened his back subconsciously, but the elderly person still smiled amiably, “You are Shen Yan, aren’t you? You’re so similar to your dad when he was young.”


  Shen Yan clutched at the bag’s shoulder strap. He didn’t say anything after a long while, only nodding his head.

  The elderly person heaved a long sigh, “Your dad couldn’t come.”


  He still nodded his head. It was to be expected, that man had said before that he shouldn’t have been born, so of course he also shouldn’t be accepted by that man either.

  The elderly person bent down in front of him and rubbed his head, a hint of sympathy in his smile: “But you can come with me—Shen Yan, I’m your grandpa.”


  Only at that moment did the voices in his head suddenly calm down, gradually overtaken by the strong sound of the running water, returning him back to the present.

  “Huu……” Shen Yan breathed deeply in a low voice. He knitted his eyebrows and used both his hands to wipe away the water droplets on his face, finally gaining a moment of relief. He turned off the faucet and the sound of the running water stopped abruptly. All of the sounds in the toilet turned back to silence.

  “Thank you, grandpa.” He said in a hoarse voice.

  Thank you, grandpa, for pulling me back from the past to present.

  Because life can only go forwards and can’t go in reverse. What laid ahead were the people he was destined to meet, the feelings he was destined to give.

  Shen Yan lifted his head. His face in the mirror looked pale, but his eyes had already regained their composure. He wiped his face dry—after a quick tidy-up, he was ready to go out. He got some paper towels to clean away the water splatter while taking out his phone to check the time when he finally discovered that Qi Jing had sent him a message before. He opened and read it without delay.

  —Come back when you’re ready, I’ll be waiting for you.

  Seeing the last four words, Shen Yan felt warmth in his heart and the corners of his mouth involuntarily curved into a smile.

  He couldn’t make Qi Jing wait for too long.

  Shen Yan wiped his face clean in a hurry, straightened up his attire, and left the toilet. When he came back to the table, Ning Xiao saw him before Qi Jing and she appeared a little stunned; but she wasn’t as wary as before he left and was able to greet him in a relatively natural way.

  It seems that Qi Jing had said something to her during the time he was away.

  “So slow, I ate your share already.” Qi Jing turned his head slightly in his direction and looked him in the eye. The attitude he put on was no different from normal as he casually glossed over the matter of Shen Yan leaving in the middle of the meal with a single line.

  “I’m sorry for keeping you waiting.” Shen Yan put his hand on Qi Jing’s shoulder and apologized in a low voice.

  Qi Jing’s eyes stayed on his face for quite a long while, as if he was seeking confirmation for something. Shen Yan’s gaze locked with Qi Jing’s in silence, without a sign of avoiding his eyes. When he finished checking, Qi Jing suddenly laughed cheekily, and reached out to pat Shen Yan’s hand as if to console him, “I’m just fooling with you. Hurry up and eat.”


  Shen Yan also responded naturally, “Mhm.”


  The hand on Qi Jing’s shoulder remained there, unwilling to move away. And after Qi Jing patted the back of Shen Yan’s hand, he decided to keep it there, holding it firmly.

  A/N:

  That’s why I was saying that it’s a healing novel at its core

  T/N:

  Lucilla: (finishes translating, hides to sob under the quilt) QAQ I cried myself silly when I was translating smol Shen Yan’s part of story……

  Whiteflare: Poor, poor SY. Grandpa really was the light of his young life.