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  ♪ LET’S GET RIDICULOUS! ♪


  Parties in the Myriad Realms of Revelry with a Jon Dare brand were something even a Daedra would pay actual Daedra money to attend.

  "Alright, the party music mix is good for now. Let’s sort out the rest of this mess." Jon stood on the platform which was established by his orders, "I want the instruments here. The two Mazken over there, you will be controlling the music spell. Make the crowd bored and I’ll transfer you to Coldharbour."

  The two Mazken had shivers running through their spines as they started maintaining the spell / riding the DJ which Jon created.

  "I want the crowd entertained." Jon said.

  "M- M- Master Krilon. We…… have no crowd." A Mazken just second before she receives the killing state of Jon.

  "What do you call those two fine Gentlemen over here?" Jon pointed at Wulfur and Mirren.

  "Oh…… the Honored Guests? Of…… of course."

  "Alright everyone, we have music at last. We need lighting, drinks, drugs and fireworks. That’s just the start, people. Put your hearts into it, do you really want the others to say that Malacath can party better than us? Chop chop!"

  Jon’s idea of a party was fundamentally different from anything anyone would expect. He wants disco music, fireworks, booze, strippers and everything that would be befitting of a place such as Revelland. The Dark Seducers, or the Mazken, were very attractive and they would always go along with Mortals. Jon put them on the music spell he created and then started hanging the scamps on high scaffolding giving them all the glowing magic stones and telling them to move them chaotically around. The Banekin kept an eye on the scamps zapping them with lightning whenever they stopped.

  It didn’t end here. Jon made a number of four circular bars across the open area in order to serve the crowd which is being hoarded by the Dremora at the moment from all across the Myriad Realms.

  To make things extra more interesting, he installed poles around the stage and forced the Mazken to figure out how to dance on them which they learned almost instantly as if pole dancing was some second nature to them. He even dangled down some cages and made some Mazken strippers dance into them.

  The music got louder and the bars were packed with all sorts of liquors and booze. He then organized the Dremora as security to control the crowd.

  "Did we forget anything?" Jon asked Wulfur.

  "Did you not forget anything?"

  "I feel like…… ah! The orgy."

  "Come…… ON."

  "And tell the Mazken to start getting topless once the party rages on." Jon started running towards the other side of the party ground and spread his arms wide, "Open the Portals!"

  And the portals opened.

  From all the various realms, hundreds of Sanguine’s followers flooded the party grounds. The music intensified and the effect of the [Bardic Knowledge] spell electrified the air.

  The followers of Sanguine were very adaptive to parties where they started dancing and feeling the vibe right away.

  "This is Grand!" Jon laughed as he watched the scene getting more heat by the second.

  "This is amazing." Gypsy joined Jon from the side and watched the party with a delighted smile, "It is as if Lord Sanguine himself is managing the party."

  "Hmph! You’re thinking of me that much?" Jon replied half-heartedly while a look of wariness appeared on his face for a second.

  "Jon, Jon. Things are done on my end." Mirren came and reported.

  "I’m always looking forward to your end, my friend." Jon winked.

  "I’m going to unhear this."

  Jon checked out the preparations he left for Mirren and applauded the effort he put in them.

  "What are those preparations?" Gypsy asked after seeing the secluded realms which were specially guarded by Dremora.

  "Those are…… ah! They are here." Jon was about to reply but he sensed some distorting in space.

  "Who’s here?" Gypsy became worried all of a sudden.

  "The VIPs." Jon replied adding a cunning laugh after what he said making Gypsy feel more worried. He seemed to have gone and done something behind her back.

  Following him further away from the party, they arrived at a place where a bunch of Dremora were gathered.

  "Master Krilon, the VIP portal is about to open." The Leader of the local Dremora clan greeted Jon with a deep now showing both fear and respect.

  "At ease! Let’s see who arrived first." Jon replied standing in front of the portal and waiting.

  By the next second, the portal opened and a few orcs started walking out.

  "Ugh!" Jon’s face crumbled the moment he saw the last member in this patch of VIPs.

  It was a gigantic Orc with bronze skin, bald head and heroic features.

  "You were not welcome here, Malacath!" Jon shouted in annoyance.

  "Hm?" The giant orc noticed Jon and glared at him, "Mortal, did you just say I can’t attend some party I want to attend? You are being insolent, Mortal."

  The pressure of the two beings was immensely great. Malacath was in full power but didn’t even exert a tiny minuscule of his power compared to Jon who was going full sicko with his pressure.

  "You would want to fight me, Mortal? Here? In Oblivion?" Malacath felt like laughing and ridiculing Jon but Jon was rather having a calculation of his own.

  "You know damn well who this place belongs to, you know that you are no welcome here and you know who got my back so……" Jon spoke directly to Malacath with a threatening tone not backing down a bit. But……

  "Father, let us take care of this insolent pest." One of the orcs surrounding him spoke.

  "Our father won’t be pushed around by the likes of you, human." Another Orc spoke.

  "You think you can stop our father, a Daedric Prince, by your mere powers." The third orc seemed more excited than the rest.

  "What kind of shitty Chinese fiction plot is this situation developing into?" Jon was at loss for words seeing all those orcs acting as if they are in some sort of thugs.

  And in the spirit of shitty Chinese fiction plots, the fourth orc had to just say the unholy word.

  "You, human, how dare……"

  "Indeed."

  It didn’t need a split of a second for Jon to snap his fingers and for every orc around Malacath to be swallowed in darkness and disappear.

  Malacath saw what had become of the Orcs and almost didn’t believe he didn’t feel Jon’s energy moving a single bit.

  "My Children! You dishonorable bastard! What have you done?" Malacath power exploded through the realm but Jon seemed to be able to withstand it unlike Gypsy and the Dremora surrounding him.

  Jon raised his hand and the Reality inside the Realm split into two. The part where both Malacath and Jon were standing and the part where everyone else were separate. Gypsy noticed the immense pressure of Malacath disappear and the party over there was still rocking without any worry but that wasn’t what made her surprised. Seeing how Jon split the reality with his will inside a Daedric realm, her face turned from shock to disbelieving and from disbelieving to realization.

  She ran to the edge of reality which Jon split and called.

  "Master Krilon! Master Krilon! It is alright. Lord Sanguine was about to make an exception for Lord Malacath in this party." She started shouting.

  Meanwhile, Jon and Malacath were having a showdown of their own.

  "HUMAN!" Malacath roared as he wanted to squish Jon just by his thoughts.

  "Hehehe! SHOR!" Jon called for the blessing of Shor which completely nullified Malacath’s power, almost making it useless.

  The archenemy of Malacath is no one other than Shor and even though one of the reasons Shor died was Malacath, Shor still outdid Malacath in every aspect. The Blessing of Shor was like everything Malacath hated in one go.

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  [Heartbreaker] \u003cBlessing of Shor\u003e-

  Opponents submit faster while Stronger opponents become weaker with time. On the other hand, losing resolve weakens you.

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  The two didn’t stop until the voice of Gypsy had fully reached them.

  "Master Krilon, you can allow him in."

  It was then when Jon stopped fighting.

  "Truly? Well, the more the merrier I guess." Jon snapped his fingers once again and the Orcs that disappeared a moment ago appeared all over again.

  "My Children!"

  """FATHER!"""

  The disgusting reunion between Malacath and his so-called children almost made Jon puke but he used [Pride] and opened a portal near them.

  "VIP Realm 13 is that way, Prince Malacath." Jon said.

  "Son of Shor, I won’t forget this." Malacath said as he took away his children to the portal.

  "Enjoy your stay."

  With Malacath gone, Jon could take a long sigh and repair the reality he snapped.

  "Lord Krilon…… this was…… amazing." Gypsy said in awe of his powers.

  "…… Yeah." Jon didn’t understand what she was trying to say as [Pride] has a very powerful ability to completely yield the reality to the will of its owner and a pocket realm like this one is simply very easy to manipulate.

  "By the way, what is Realm 13?" Gypsy asked.

  "Oh, you don’t need to worry. I doubt the Orcs can tell a party from something else." Jon mischievously smiled.

  "Look, more guests are arriving." She pointed at the new portal forming not too far.

  The moment the portal opened someone walked out was the moment when the fireworks started firing on their own.

  "UNCLE!"

  "NEPHEW!"

  "Did you get my invitation?"

  "I wouldn’t miss it for the entire Kalpa. I was near Atmora riding Narwhals when they told me you are hosting this year’s festival."

  "Narwhals again?"

  "Ahaha! I remember telling you to mind the pointy end and I was the one who should have heeded that advice. I ended up ruining my favorite pants."

  "Tsk tsk tsk tsk, you should have invited me. I almost begged you for it last time."

  "Ah! It was just a small practice before the Narwhals Riding Champions League. Last year’s winners were the Karstaag-men Ghosts and it seems the Kamal are coming for it this year. Insufferable fools! No wonder the Monkey King is going to participate this year as well."

  "I see…… a lot is happening."

  "Indeed. By the way, I wanted to introduce you to someone dear to my heart." Sheogorath turned around and pointed to a girl following him.

  It was a gothic lolita wearing a pink and black dress and spinning her dome-like umbrella that rested over her shoulder. She saw Jon and bent with her knees a little to greet him. Jon offered her a hand and she raised hers for him which he ended up kissing.

  "Jon Dare, Thane of Winterhold and other things."

  "Baklava Beavertail, Demi-Prince of Pastries."

  "No wonder you’re so tasty! I take it that you are my cousin."

  "That will never stop me from eating all your sweet things." Baklava replied.

  "I’ll take this joke innocently." Jon laughed.

  "How vexing!" (Mirren)

  ***

  And the Daedric Princes started flooding in afterward.

  "Lord Hircine, puppies are not allowed in this party…… I know I know but this is new management. Only cats, please. Werelions indeed count. Right to the party."

  "Lady Nocturnal, nice to finally see you. Looking good as usual. Go right in, Uncle Sheo is snorting Skooma over there. Yes, that big cat is him."

  "Lady Vaermina, leave the drugs at the bar. We’ll be taking care of distributing it. Happy party."

  "Lady Meridia! NO SHOUTING! My ears are still sensitive, dammit. Yes, your Beacon is on its way to Mount Kilkreath. I just had to deal with Sanguine’s mess on the way."

  Jon sighed in frustration having to deal with all those troublesome guests. No wonder Sanguine is always exhausted. And that was merely the beginning of the night.

  "Another Portal." Gypsy called.

  "Oh fuck me……" Jon sensed the portal and felt three great presences.

  Who walked out were three tall women. The first was a woman darker than any dark elf with two glowing red eyes on her face and another six on her crown, he was dressed in black spider webs and had four pairs of spider legs coming from her back. The second was a woman dressed in full heavy ebony armor and walked with it as if it was part of her wielding a large blade and donning a red cape. Her hair was white and her skin was grey but the look in her face was extremely terrifying. The third woman was the tallest of the three walking between them and wearing a blue transparent silk dress which exposed her enchanting assets underneath, on the other hand, her face was covered with a veil from the top of her bluish hair to the tip of her nose leaving only her mouth exposed. She was also covering her long neck with silver ring-like collars and similar ones were worn as bracelets and feet accessories.

  "We heard there is a new host and…… it smells like an orgy in here." The spider woman said.

  "Good for you. Now go and spread your legs somewhere else." The woman in steel replied.

  "Doth never starteth troubleth, mineth fellows, for I cameth to beholdeth the Champion of ours, most wondrous Azura, hosting a party from which I feeleth quite the valorous vibes." The third woman was the most illustrious one of the three taking anyone’s breath away.

  Those were the obviously very lusty Mephala, the metal-headed (and obviously other parts) Boethiah and the ever high and always mighty Azura.

  "My Ladies, seeing the three of you here all at once warms my weak mortal heart?"

  "HAH! Weak?" Boethiah laughed to the heaven almost shaking the entire realm, the difference of power between here and the puny Malacath was simply terrifying, "You are almost not so mortal. Don’t worry. As long as you can make this lusty spider busy and give me and Azura a private place, you won’t find trouble from me." She held them from his shoulder and brought him closer.

  "How can you say that? I am always willing to share my gifts between all mortals, especially my favorite Mortals." Mephala stuck closer to Jon from the other side.

  "Our champion hast did prove his pride and ego above all else. This is a secret from us to thee, it is hath said yond between every leggeth of Mephala’s this is a vagina. It wilt receiveth thee very excited" Azura said as she stuck behind him.

  Jon heard Azura and looked to Mephala who was confirming the fact.

  "Damn…… alright! I need to finish things here and see where in Oblivion Sanguine have disappeared then…… I hope I can come and see." Jon opened another portal, "Special Realm 69."

  The three good Daedra went down the portal which Jon closed at well behind them.

  "Wow! Those three were……" Gypsy was almost going to get mad from what she saw.

  "Don’t even say it." Jon cut her words short, "Between Spider Boobs, Iron Boobs and Super Boobs, I am still an Advocate for Human Boobs."

  "How admirable!" Gypsy was almost about to go down and worship if not noticing another portal open, "There is more."

  "What? No, I thought this was all we had on the invitation list. I made sure that……"

  It was at this moment where the portal started to get darker. It became way too dark that it almost absorbed all the light in the realm which led Jon to split the reality once again. The presence made Nefertiti who was hiding in Jon’s shadow to sober up from all the catnip she snorted and became ready to take Jon to the shadows whenever anything goes wrong.

  It was then when a dark being appeared right behind Jon. He hurriedly took distance for him to see a large and dark slug-like creature crawling towards him while wearing a robe the only part visible from it is the face which showed a skull that obviously hid something more terrifying under it.

  "This presence…… I know it well." Jon saw everything living around this creature wilt and died just from touching its Aura, to resist it Jon kept his distance and didn’t think of even opposing it.

  "Morrrrrrrtalllllll."

  "Great Void."

  The creature spoke and Jon replied. They kept walking in circles while Jon was avoiding it by all instincts. This so-called "Great Void" is none other than the most terrifying and most ancient of all the Daedric Princes. The Daedra of Darkness, the wet nurse of Lorkhan and the one who granted him Mortality.

  "Lady Namira."

  "You smell fresh, Morrrrrrrrtalllllllllll."

  "I bathe a lot…… surely…… this is something you are not okay with but we mortals are…… subjects of decay."

  "Hmmmmmmm…… it is morrrrrrtals who are most delicious, especially at the peak of their powerrrrrr seasoned by the limits of the Hearrrrrrrrrt." The Slug that is Namira moaned because of her imagination.

  "Alright…… the partying doesn’t really go well with decaying so if I can arrange you……"

  "Parrrrrrrrtying? Hmph! You morrrrrrrrrtal know nothing of how a Daedric Prince should party. You want to know?"

  "Oh, by all means, I’ll even take notes."

  "Back in the day when time was still a little toddlerrrrrrr with tasty scales, we would hunt both morrrrrrrrrtals and spirrrrrrrrits day in and day out. We would terrorize them and make them sufferrrrrrr while we eat them. I always keep a healthy diet at hand but the others…… tsk tsk tsk…… they have changed. Now they do everything to get the mortal’s attention. They grow tits, they act benevolent, they accept gifts. ANNOYING! The best gifts we had were sacrifices, the best actions we did was consumption and the best things we grew were claws, fangs and more limbs." She said while baring her claws, fangs and extra legs from the side.

  "Oh! Old school Daedric parties were so chill."

  "Yes, as I was telling you."

  "You know what, I may have just the thing for you. A pocket realm filled with dirty smelly mortals that need to be eaten."

  "Truly?"

  "I am a man of my word, Lady Namira."

  "Oh, you are much more considerate than that brrrrrrrat Sanguine. He only cares for tits."

  "Hah! I know…… men, right? I just have to find him and get this day over with."

  "Hehehe, don’t worrrrrrry, Morrrrrrtalllll, Sanguine never strrrrrrrays too farrrrr from parrrties."

  "That’s your portal, Lady Namira."

  Jon opened her a portal which she inspected before entering. She then laughed hysterically as she crept through it.

  "Phew! This job is so stressful." Jon said as he opened the reality once again.

  "That…… that was Lady Namira? Where did you send her." Gypsy asked.

  "VIP Realm 13."

  "Wait…… isn’t that where Lord Malacath went with his kin and……"

  Jon turned to Gypsy showing her the most twisted of his smiles.

  "Exactly!"

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