Damn Girl, If I Don’t Handle You Today, My Surname Is Not Xuan

  Xuan Tian Ming felt that this was a very good idea. Pulling Feng Yu Heng’s small hands, he said: “Alright, it’s not like we haven’t slept together before.”


  Feng Yu Heng looked at him sideways: “Was I not going to take a bath first?”


  “That’s also fine, it’s not like…… wouldn’t just bathing together once be considered as having bathed!”


  “Indecent!” She fiercely glared at Xuan Tian Ming then let go of the wheelchair. Walking into the bedroom, she said: “Find his Highness another room that is a little further away from this county princess.”


  Xuan Tian Ming protested: “This is no good!”


  “This is very good!” Since she had entered the room, she immediately slammed the door closed.

  The palace maid outside reached out to Xuan Tian Ming: “How about your Highness chooses another room.” She could only help to this degree.

  Xuan Tian Ming, however, had his own ideas: “County princess Ji An has always been shy. With an outsider here, she would definitely be embarrassed. You should leave first. In a while, she will open the door for this prince.”


  The palace maid left with a doubtful expression. Xuan Tian Ming sat facing the door to the room with a gloomy expression.

  Should he enter?

  What would be the outcome of him entering?

  If that girl became unhappy, would she attack?

  He slapped himself. Why was he thinking and fussing so much? That girl dared to climb into his bed in the middle of the night. How could it be that he, a grown man, did not dare to even enter a room in the middle of the day?

  As a person, he could not be too cowardly!

  He moved his wheelchair and arrived in front of the door. Reaching out, he pushed the door open.

  See, that girl did not even close the door. This meant that she was waiting for him! Sure enough, a man who was too virtuous would be looked down upon by women.

  Thinking like this, Xuan Tian Ming entered the room on his wheelchair. With another turn of the hand, he closed the door behind him.

  He felt that this room was covered in a layer of mist. Thinking about it, the servants must have prepared the bath earlier. The heat of the water caused the room to become filled with steam.

  He looked toward the source of the steam and saw that there was a thin figure taking their clothes off behind a screen. There was already an outer coat hanging on the screen.

  Xuan Tian Ming’s lips curled into an evil smile. He thought to himself that this girl was too small and could not be eaten, but teasing her was still quite fun.

  He moved his wheelchair in that direction, and the steam had become thicker. When he arrived in front of the screen, he could still smell a faint scent of flower petals in the steam. He began moving more quietly and moved around the screen. He wanted to give the girl a sudden shock. Preparing his scary face, he moved very quickly and left his wheelchair, diving straight for the figure.

  But he absolutely could never have imagined it! He found that the figure that he had clearly seen behind the screen had disappeared. He had leapt up and rushed over. At first, he had planned to scoop her up to sit back down in the wheelchair. Who knew that he would come up empty. The arms that had reached out only reached around but did not catch anything.

  Xuan Tian Ming was dazed. Where had she gone?

  In the time that he was shocked, he was a little slow to recover. With the room being covered in steam and the floor being slippery, the wheelchair had slid back a bit.

  He was unable to find it. Right now, what he feared was falling to the ground, thus he adjusted himself and did his best to not be in such a troubled position; however, he did not think that at this time there would come a sudden movement from behind. He was unable to react to what was happening, as a small hand suddenly grabbed his collar and pushed, throwing him forward.

  Xuan Tian Ming was completely defenseless. With a “plunk” he fell entirely into the wooden tub.

  Who knew how that tub had been prepared. It was extremely large, large enough for two people to soak in it at the same time with plenty of extra room. Caught unprepared, he fell in and even gulped down a mouthful of bath water. When he finally managed to get his head out of the water, he heard a giggling come from the side of the wooden tub.

  Looking over, he saw a girl wearing a white cloth with her hands on her hips looking at him. She was laughing so hard that she could not straighten out her body. Perhaps it was because the room was too hot, but her small face was bright red, making her look like an apple, and it was quite good looking.

  Xuan Tian Ming simply sat in the water and did not get up. Folding his arms over his chest, he very unhappily said: “Heng Heng, if you want to bathe with your husband, just say it directly. There is no need for so much force. Husband is not that stingy of a person.”


  The small girl outside the tub placed her arms on the side of the tub and looked at him with a smile: “Dignified ninth prince, can you know a little shame?”


  Xuan Tian Ming was a creature that was completely shameless: “Compared to a beloved girl climbing into this prince’s bed in the middle of the night, which do you feel is more shameless?”


  “Of course, you are the more shameless one.” Feng Yu Heng put away her smiling face and said to him: “Rather than arguing here, I am rather anxious to return to see my mother. When I left the manor, she was still asleep. Now, a little more than a night and half of a day have passed. Who knows how many times she has woken up.”


  Xuan Tian Ming could see that she was troubled and simply swam over to her in the tub. Reaching out with his wet hand, he massed the area between her eyebrows, “Don’t worry. Seventh brother has gone over to Tong Sheng pavilion to take care of her. He brought over an imperial physician who has done some research on drugs. You just need to calm yourself.”


  “Really?” Her eyes finally lit up.

  “When have I ever lied to you. That imperial physician has been researching these things for many years. Even if he cannot cure her, he will not do a poor job.”


  Feng Yu Heng nodded and said with a bit of awkwardness: “With seventh brother there, I am at ease. No matter how big of a mess occurs, seventh brother can make it better.”


  “Hey!” Someone suddenly became unhappy, “Someone like seventh brother should only be looked at. It would be better to look from a distance too. You absolutely must not set your heart on him, do you understand?”


  Feng Yu Heng turned around and curled her lips into a sly smile, “Oh! Is your Highness Prince Yu jealous?”


  “Un.” A certain person nodded and used his finger to wave the girl in front of him over, “Come here.”


  “I will not!” Feng Yu Heng was very resolute in her objection. She then stood up and smiled, saluting the person in the water: “Your Highness, this servant will take care of your bath!”


  Xuan Tian Ming shivered, as he felt that this gloomy girl did not have any good intentions. He just wanted to refuse and say that there was no need, but Feng Yu Heng’s small hands had already reached over, “Come on, your Highness. How can you take a bath with your clothes on? Take them off!” While saying this, she moved her small hands along Xuan Tian Ming’s body. Who knew what she did, as Xuan Tian Ming’s robes were removed from his body in a short period of time.

  The eyes of the person in the water began to light up, “Dear wife, there is still another half!”


  Feng Yu Heng, however, ignored him. Instead, she walked over to the other side of the tub and picked up the smaller tubs of hot water that had been placed there, pouring them in one at a time.

  As she continued pouring it in, Xuan Tian Ming realized something was off: “That uh, wait a moment. Wait a moment, dear wife! It’s too hot! Hey! Hot! Hot!” He grabbed Feng Yu Heng’s wrist, “Do you know what hot means?”


  Feng Yu Heng nodded, “I do.”


  “If you know, then why are you pouring in so much hot water?”


  “Don’t people say that dead pigs don’t fear hot water? I will give it a try.”1

  “Oh.” Xuan Tian Ming nodded, “It seems that dear wife likes this idea. Hm……” he curled up the corners of his lips. Feng Yu Heng realized that there was danger and wanted to run away. Unfortunately, no matter how strong she was, she could not compare to Xuan Tian Ming. Just as she thought of running, she felt a large force grab her wrist before she could even move. Her entire body was lifted into the air, where she was flipped then fell into the water with a “plunk.”


  “Hey! Hey! Hey!” Feng Yu Heng choked.

  She could not escape the disaster that she had created. Damn, this water was too hot. It was truly too hot!

  She was thinking about whether or not the heat of the water would cause her skin to crack. She had been joking around with Xuan Tian Ming, but she had no grasp of how bad things had gotten. She had just entered the water and already found it unbearably hot; however, he had been soaked in it the entire time. Would he get hurt?

  Just as she was thinking about this, she was picked up and carried out of the water.

  The heat immediately dissipated, and the pain also vanished. She opened her eyes to look and found that Xuan Tian Ming had picked her up as though he was holding up a doll. One raised their head and the other leaned forward, as the two looked at each other, the angle was very awkward.

  “Wh…… what are you holding me up for?” She was a little cold.

  However, she heard Xuan Tian Ming say: “The water is too hot. I was just teasing you a little, but I cannot allow you to get burned.”


  “But……” She suddenly choked up. Fortunately, the steam in the room was thick, so he was unable to notice anything: “But I left you soaking in this hot water for so long. I’m sorry.”


  “What are you saying?” He put her down outside the tub and pointed to the tubs of water on the other side, “Go quickly and pour in some cold water.”


  This time, Feng Yu Heng was obedient and quickly poured the cold water in. She then used her hand to test the water, un, it was the perfect temperature. Looking again at Xuan Tian Ming’s body, she found that it was red from the heat. She was a little distressed and quickly said to Xuan Tian Ming: “Just wait a moment.” She then turned around and went behind the screen.

  Xuan Tian Ming did not know what she was doing. After waiting for a while, when he saw the girl return, she had already changed clothes. Its material and appearance were both very strange. It was very puffy and large with a belt at her hip, but it looked very soft. At the bottom, there was a bit of calf being revealed. It looked extremely weird, but it was also very beautiful.

  Looking at her hands, he found that she was holding a few bottles of various colors, and he could not say what they were.

  Feng Yu Heng walked behind him and put down the things in her hands. Rolling up her sleeves, she picked up one of the bottles and poured some stuff onto her hand then said: “Move forward a little and show me your back. I will apply some stuff for you.”


  Xuan Tian Ming did as he was told then enjoyed the feeling of receiving treatment from a beauty.

  He did not know what Feng Yu Heng was applying to his back, but it was very cool. The discomfort in his back that had from the scalding water immediately disappeared, being replaced with a comfortable feeling.

  He enjoyed it a great deal. Leaning back against the tub, he raised his head and said in a serious tone: “The one thing that this prince did most correctly in this lifetime was meeting you in the mountains of the Northwest.”


  This should have been a very beautiful atmosphere. Xuan Tian Ming had confessed, and Feng Yu Heng felt moved. Normally, the plot would develop in this way.

  But…… Who knew where Feng Yu Heng’s mind short-circuited, as she did not have a single romantic cell in her body. Upon hearing Xuan Tian Ming speak about meeting her in the mountains of the Northwest, the girl immediately became unhappy, “What are you saying? Who met whom? Based on your legs at that time, could you meet me? Xuan Tian Ming, have you forgotten that you were stuck in that crevice in the mountains, and I expended a great deal of energy to drag you out! I carried you out!”


  Xuan Tian Ming was speechless, “It was just an expression. It was just expressing the joy of our encounter.”


  “Even then, you need to be realistic!”


  “What realistic? I only exaggerated a little. I was just saying, and you should just listen. Hah, when I say this sort of thing, should you not feel moved?”


  “What is there to feel moved about? I am clearly the benefactor that saved your life!”


  Xuan Tian Ming angrily gnashed his teeth, “Damn girl, could it be that I have doted on you too much? Are you just taking advantage of my weakness? If I do not deal with you today, my surname is not Xuan!” Saying this, he suddenly reached out and pulled Feng Yu Heng over!

  The damn girl very unhappily fell into the water once more……

  1: Dead pigs don’t fear hot water is a sarcastic remark about shameless people, rascals and arrogant people not fearing criticism or something to that effect.