When I took a few steps back due to the sudden scene change, my younger version looked straight into my eyes.

  Did she see me? I was shocked that her gaze was so clearly directed at me; it was no doubt that she could see me. It couldn’t be. I started to feel nervous and decided to run for it.

  ‘What, why is she smiling?’


  “Uh?”


  She disappeared.

  “W-what?”


  Still in shock about how she smiled at me, something came into my sight.

  Uh, wh…… oh?

  Dad!

  “Dad.”


  If I didn’t move, I would have missed him, so I ran as fast as possible.

  Fortunately, it wasn’t some kind of mirage. My dad right in front of me was the same as the last images I had of him in my memory.

  I felt tears rolling on my cheeks.

  Dad, dad……

  It was my dad. The one I was looking for.

  “Dad!”


  Caitel opened his eyes as I called him; he woke up.

  What did I have to do? It’s my dad! My real dad! My dad!

  I couldn’t control my overwhelming emotions.

  “.…… Ria?”


  “Yes, yes, it is me.”


  Dad, it’s me. Me!

  I wanted to talk, but my voice betrayed me. It didn’t matter if it was a dream or reality.

  “Missed me? You seem weaker than usual.”


  Caitel was helping himself get up from the ground; he seemed to be in pain.

  “Even then……”


  I looked up at him as he was trying to move; he leaned behind as if there was an invisible wall.

  “Since someone sent me into this illusion, I can see only you.”


  What should I say?

  My head went blank. I couldn’t figure out what I had to do or say. I had to say something to him, but all I could do was hold back the tears about to flow.

  “I never imagined that I would love someone so much. To think about what I had to do for them, about what better, to worry for their safety…… I never thought I was capable of that.”


  His low voice.

  His following words.

  “I feel good about knowing that I died trying to protect someone.”


  A smile mixed with sadness.

  I couldn’t hold my tears back anymore. For the first time, I heard Caitel’s true feelings; my dad’s confession made me gasp. I never imagined that I would listen to such things from Caitel, but I knew that it wasn’t something I would hear again.

  “In the beginning, I was intrigued. I have no idea why I felt like that, but then, I suddenly thought about it. How would the child grow and live as this man’s daughter?”


  Caitel continued with a smile.

  “I just thought that I would enjoy watching you. I was stupid.”


  My vision blurred because of my unstoppable tears. I cried, shaking my head.

  It wasn’t like that, dad.

  “You didn’t even look human, you couldn’t speak properly, and if I stomped on you, you would have died. That was the first time a child caught my attention.”


  Did I have to say something? Should I express my feelings? I didn’t know what to say.

  “Then, you crawled, walked, stood, and began to talk.”


  “.……Dad”


  “How was it possible. Was it magic? How could a being who held my hand change me so much? You were so precious to me.”


  Caitel smiled as he talked about his heartfelt feeling.

  “Knowing what kind of human I was.”


  His voice was full of concern; his face showed clear signs of distress.

  “You smiled and reached out to me.”


  He didn’t have to say that; he didn’t need to speak like that.

  While I was at a loss for words, Caitel smiled and wiped the tears off my cheek.

  “I couldn’t function without you.”


  No, I was the one who couldn’t move without him.

  At first, I thought I was unlucky to be a tyrant’s child. How could I be born under such a man? I used to sigh every day.

  Nevertheless, I could see it, the effort he put into taking care of me; though he was clumsy in saying it out loud, he cared for me. That must have been why I was still alive.

  I never knew it.

  “For the first time, I thought your hand as you gave me flowers were the most gentle ones; I realized that the hands of the people who were kind were warmer than the ones who held swords.”


  Did dad even realize that he was confessing to me?

  He was making a great confession; did he think this was a dream? Yes, he was probably saying that because he hadn’t realized it yet.

  “But, as you got older, I couldn’t help but enjoy our boring routines during your growth.”


  I knew it, but I didn’t expect to hear it from him.

  Since I was expecting more, my dad continued.

  “I was annoyed when you didn’t listen to me and when you wouldn’t do what I asked you. You refuted and got angry at me. I couldn’t understand you, but then…… you smiled, and I realized I was stupid for you.”


  I knew he was a fool for me.

  I caught my dad. I felt like he would disappear if I didn’t.

  “I never planned on having a child.”


  It sounded like regret.

  “Just…… I shouldn’t have accepted.”


  My dad’s gaze on me wasn’t that of hate or resentment. It was of deep regret.

  “I should have just killed you. Being born as the daughter of a man like me, you would feel nothing but resentment and blame others for it. After living long, the only thing you would receive would end up being hostility from people……”


  Caitel was so upset that he couldn’t utter the next words. It was my first time seeing dad look like that.

  “I just couldn’t get myself to let go of you……”


  He struggled to speak.

  Our surroundings shushed. What could I even say?

  “You should have been born to a better father. My daughter needed to grow well. In a cozy warm place with love…… you should have grown with someone who could love you, not me.”


  No, I never thought that.

  “Dad.”


  I held onto Caitel, who was feeling regret.

  “Don’t say such things.”


  I couldn’t speak, listening to his overflowing emotions, but I wanted to let him know. Right, I needed to tell my dad properly. I had to convey my true feelings.

  “Dad.”


  Right, dad……

  “You do say some bad stuff, but you never hit me. You always talked about selling me off, but you never sold nor abandoned me. You always cared and loved me. Dad was very sincere and wonderful that I trusted you more than myself.”


  Caitel was a great father I should show off to everyone.

  The harm he committed in the past made me hesitate and created a distance between us. I tried to force myself to stay away from him in fear of being enslaved.

  “Rather, I began to crave your love.”


  My dad always loved me, even when he was new to parenting. How could I abandon such a dad?

  How could I turn away from him?

  How……

  How could I not love him?

  It didn’t matter if his hands were tainted with blood.

  I took his bloodied hands and placed them on my cheek. I put on the smile he loved.

  “Dad, so don’t say things like you wish for me to be born for someone else. I can’t imagine anyone other than you as my dad.”


  Dad’s eyes looked into mine. It had been a long time since we last stared at each other.

  At last, our eyes met.

  Dad’s red eyes.

  “Now, let’s go back.”