‘Gun Gun, we need to band together and stand up for ourselves,’ Long Liu Bao said. ‘We can’t be submissive for the rest of our lives. We need to live with respect and dignity.’


  ‘How do I make Che happy?’ Yuan Gun Gun said. ‘He always looks unhappy being with me.’


  ‘Gun Gun, you’re going to die of cluelessness,’ Long Liu Bao said.

  ‘It’s not like I chose to be born this way,’ Yuan Gun Gun said.

  Long Liu Bao pulled her hair, and took a deep breath.

  ‘Gun Gun, think about the times when your monster Hao is the most gentle toward you,’ Long Liu Bao said.

  A while later, Long Liu Bao thought Yuan Gun Gun hung up the phone.

  ‘Gun Gun, are you there?’ Long Liu Bao asked.

  ‘Yes,’ Yuan Gun Gun said. ‘I’m still trying to remember the times when Che is gentle toward me.’


  ‘Gun Gun, you live a pitiful life,’ Long Liu Bao.

  ‘I remember now,’ Yuan Gun Gun said.

  ‘When?’ Long Liu Bao asked.

  ‘After Che hits me, he is gentle with me,’ Yuan Gun Gun said. ‘Does that count?’


  Long Liu Bao hit her head against her knees. How could such a person like Yuan Gun Gun exist?

  ‘Apart from those times, when is Che most gentle toward you?’ Long Liu Bao asked.

  Yuan Gun Gun thought Long Liu Bao’s voice sounded different than usual.

  ‘Forget it,’ Long Liu Bao said. ‘Tell me something you do that doesn’t make Che angry.’


  ‘When he tells me to kiss him, I’ll kiss him,’ Yuan Gun Gun said.

  ‘What else?’ Long Liu Bao asked.

  Long Liu Bao wholly believed birds of a feather flock together and share the same interests.

  ‘When he wants more and I don’t runaway,’ Yuan Gun Gun said.

  Forget birds, Long Liu Bao thought monsters were indeed monsters.

  ‘I understand,’ Long Liu Bao said. ‘Do you know how to cook?’


  ‘Yes,’ Yuan Gun Gun said.

  ‘Good,’ Long Liu Bao said. ‘I’m going to tell you what you need to do. Cook meals for Che. Take the initiative to feed him, kiss him and offer your body to him. I guarantee if you do everything I told you to do, he’ll be a happy man. When he puts his guard down, ask him sweetly to let you spend time with me at the Long Mansion. He’ll say yes to you in a heartbeat. Then we’ll runaway together. Don’t forget to pack your passport.’


  ‘Take the initiative to kiss and offer my body to Che?’ Yuan Gun Gun asked.

  Yuan Gun Gun liked Hao Yan Che kissing her. It was how he tired her out in bed afterward that scared her.

  ‘Don’t tell me you don’t know how to seduce your husband,’ Long Liu Bao said.

  ‘I don’t know how……’ Yuan Gun Gun said.

  ‘OMG,’ Long Liu Bao said. ‘What cave did you crawl out of? Don’t tell me you haven’t eaten pork and seen pigs run.’


  ‘I’ve eaten pork,’ Yuan Gun Gun said. ‘But I haven’t seen pigs run.’


  Long Liu Bao began to sympathise with the monster Hao.

  ‘Listen up,’ Long Liu Bao said. ‘Pucker your lips, brush your lips against your husband’s lips, stick out your tongue and slowly lick his lips. Kiss him a bit, and look shyly into his eyes.’


  Long Liu Bao’s specialty was seduction. Yuan Gun Gun’s innocent appeal was the best weapon to use on the monster Hao.

  ‘I…… I’ll do my best,’ Yuan Gun Gun said.

  ‘At night take the initiative to snuggle with your husband then slowly rub your hand up and down his chest,’ Long Liu Bao said. ‘Whisper in his ear…… I want to do a role play with you in bed.’


  ‘Play what?’ Yuan Gun Gun asked.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Long Liu Bao said. ‘You don’t have to do anything else after you whisper in your husband’s ear what I taught you. He’ll direct you how to play.’


  ‘Bao Bao, do you think this is a good idea?’ Yuan Gun Gu asked.

  ‘Yes,’ Long Liu Bao said. ‘You need to sacrifice your body a bit if you want to win the war. Who knows, by tomorrow your monster Hao will become gentler than big brother Lang.’


  ***